Friday, October 30, 2009

Friday Fright Facts


1. PEZ was invented in Austria by a man named Edward Haasand. He named PEZ after the German world "peppermint." It was an adult breath mint that he decided to market as an alternative for smoking. In 1952 PEZ wanted to expand their sales, so they set their sights on the U.S.A. To make their product more appealing to Americans, they placed heads on the dispensers and marketed it for children.
2. The melting point of cocoa butter is just below the human body temperature -- which is why it literally melts in your mouth.
3. Candy Corn was invented in 1880 by George Renninger of the Wunderlee Candy Co. The three colors of the candy are meant to mimic corn. Each piece is approximately the size of a whole kernel of corn, as if it fell off a ripe or dried ear of corn. The secret ingredient is marshmallows..that is what makes them so soft! It remains one of the best selling Halloween candies of all times.
4. Candy was used as an offering to the gods of ancient Egypt. Honey was used as the sweetener until the introduction of sugar in medieval Europe. Among the oldest types of candies are licorice and ginger from the Far East and marzipan from Europe. Candy making did not begin on a large scale until the early 19th century, when with the development of special candy making machinery it became a British specialty. In the United States the candy industry began to grow rapidly during the mid-19th century with the invention of improved machinery and a cheaper process for powdering sugar. In 1911 the first candy bars were sold in baseball parks; by 1960 candy bars made up almost half of all U.S. candy production.
5. Chewing Gum became an important part of American culture and is often associated with being the catalyst behind the vending business. Early chewing gums were a challenge as they were hard to chew and the flavor, if any, lasted a very short time.
6. Circus peanuts date to the 1800s when they were a seasonal treat and one of the original penny candies. No one knows how circus peanuts got their shape and name or how they long they've been around. One theory is that they originated with the traveling circuses where vendors sold salted peanuts and candy. Spangler Candy Co., is one of the few remaining makers of circus peanuts. People can't wrap their brains around circus peanuts, because they are orange and look like peanuts, they taste like banana. And they are chewier than a traditional marshmallow. Even those who like circus peanuts can't agree whether they are better soft and fresh or stale and hard after sitting out for a week.
7. Flashback of the Candy from the 1980's: 1980's - Atomic Fire Balls, Bit-o-Honey, Bubblicious Radical Red, Candy Necklace, Candy Cigarettes, Charleston Chew Chocolate, Lemonheads, Wonka Tart ‘n Tiny, Bubble Gum Cigarettes, Pixy Stix, Ass’t Saf’T’Pops, Jawbusters, Now & Later-Grape, Now & Later, Wax Fangs, Wax Bottles, Clark Bar, Laffy Taffy Watermelon, Bottlecaps, Zours, Astro Pops & Cinnamon Toothpicks.
8. OK,OK I will give some of you hippi's the candy form the 1970's: Rocky Road Milk Chocolate Bar, Clark Bar, Pixy Stix, Tart 'N Tiny, Gold Rock Nugget Bubble Gum, Goobers, Bubble Gum Cigar, Charms Assorted Squares, Lik-M-Aid Fun Dip, Bubble Gum Cigarettes, Wonka Strawberry/Banana Laffy Taffy, Slo-Poke Jr. Suckers, C. Howard Lemon Mints, Boston Beans, Cherryheads, Red Licorice Pipes, Willy Wonka Chocolate Bar, Necco Chocolate Wafers, Sugar Lips Wax Chewing Gum, Double Bubble Bubble Gum, Candy Buttons, Caramel Bun Bar, Charms Sweet & Sour Pops, Razzles Candy/Gum, Nestle's Oh Henry Candy Bar, Wonka Bottlecaps, Teaberry Gum, Strawberry Pop Rocks, Sen-Sen Breath Refreshments, Zotz Candy, Reeds Rootbeer Candies, and Nik-L-Nip Wax Bottles.
9. Halloween is the holiday with the highest candy sales, followed by Easter, Christmas and Valentine's Day.
10. Candy is made simply by dissolving sugar in water. The different heating levels determine the types of candy: Hot temperatures make hard candy, medium heat will make soft candy and cool temperatures make chewy candy.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Halloween: A excuse for girls to dress like sluts

What the heck is going on.

Since when did Halloween turn into "Dress like a Hooker Day?"

Did I miss the memo?


Well, I guess I did.

Which is fine for adults...if that is what you want to do...

to make yourself feel young and frisky..
to have a day where people don't whisper, "I heard she was a slut" behind your back like they did in highschool ...or
to get more candy from strangers....or
to make your husband not regret that he didn't marry that one slut back in college..or
to try and get all your son's friends to think you are a MILF...in hopes of snagging a Stifler.

Just let me know, and I will make sure to bring lots of dollar bills out in the occasion. To put down your bra..while I talk behind your back about how you look like a slut...*cough* I am *jealous* *cough*, and how I could dress like that before I had two kids if I wanted to....
and then I could tell you to put that money toward your monthly prescription that you take for low self esteem that you must have. Cause why else would someone dress like that?

BUT, where I draw the line (yes, I do have a few morals) is the fact that are selling slutty versions of Halloween costume for young girls. I mean like toddler and up-aged girls. Miley Cyrus would be sooo disappointed in you little hussy's in training.

Not to mention..me loosing my job security.

When I bought my 3 year old daughters Wizard of Oz Dorothy dress...I bought it a few sizes to big..because they had is soooo short..that her bum was hanging out.

Really people? For a 3 year old? That is sick. And we wonder why we have so many pedophiles out there.

I am sure there is a conspiracy behind this.

Are strip clubs using this Holiday as a personal job fair-recruitment day?
Are they hurting for business in this bad economy?

Well..I will be dammed is they are gonna try and recruit my daughter.

So...if after Halloween..my daughter asks for a stripper pole for Christmas..should I be concerned?

Friday, October 23, 2009

You say Miracle Whip..I say Mayo

It is all right war at this point up in the sandwich spread world...of wonderful goodness. The butter knives have been drawn out and are ready for some spreading.

This Hussy is living in the Mayo side of town..Mayoville. I dare anyone to try and get me to move..get me to switch spreads. I will make fry sauce out of you faster than you can say hydrogenated oil.

Why am I coming off so hostile? What happened? Well..the Miracle Whip advertisers have gone to far...made one to many dips at us Mayo-ers expense. Making me about to bust a egg yolk!

There latest ad campaign. "Don't Be So Mayo" has clearly ruffled my taste buds. They think they are all that with their tangy zip taste..more spices..sweeter taste. Just take look:

Don't blend in? Don't be ordinary? Boring or Bland? In other words.. don't be so Mayo? Threating ME to not tone it down?

Sine when id your hip-ness determined my what spread you use? Who is behind this spread campaign? I am coming for you.

You can take your supposed own, unique, one of a kind flavor and go sit out on the counter with your lid off at room temperature!

They are nothing but a dressing. We over here in Mayoville..we are a main staple ingredient. A thick condiment....and after I get done petitioning the Food and Drug Administration..we will be our own food group. Part of the food pyramid.

How many recipes do you see call for Miracle Whip? Exactly. The Only thing you that is a miracle ..is that you have survived in the sandwich spreadable world this long. All you have to look at is our name Best Foods...enough said.

Besides..do you have a Holiday named after you? No. I didn't think so.

Cinco de Mayo...you better check your egg whites and vinegar! Don't mess with my condiment.

Would I like a little food with my mayo? Why yes..thank you.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Facebook..where everyone knows your name

...and what you are doing.
What you are thinking.
Who your friends are.
If you like/dislike something.
Who thinks their kids are sure cute.
How mad everyone is on Monday, and happy on Friday's
Who's kids are annoying the crap out of them.
Who needs coffee in the morning...or they will surly die.
How everyone feels about the weather.
Who is good at Bejeweled Blitz. (me<---)
Which of your friends wake up early to play Farmville...and feed their virtual animals. (Yeah..crazy huh?)
Who is addicted to Mafia wars...and needs help.
What dumb quiz's your friends are taking.

You also get people who pass out virtual hugs..kisses..and rounds of drinks. While this is the more sanitary version..and helps prevent the spreading of the swine flu..I don't find any comfort in a virtual drink. It is very sobering...and not in a good way.

Facebook is a Pandora's box of sorts, a window into people minds and private worlds. Once you are in..well...you may not ever get out. I must admit I am fully addicted. This addiction MAY have even led to me neglecting my blog here...gasp...I know. Guilty <------

I have decided to change my evil..cheating ways though..I promise. I will spend more time with you here. It is just that Facebook was such a new relationship..I got so caught up in honeymoon stage of it. He was paying more attention to me..and I felt neglected around here. I promise it was just a short affair. No feelings involved. I never loved him.

I think I just got addicted to the idea of "us" over there. We just had made so many friends together. I did try to break up with him once, but he wouldn't let me go. He threatened to erase me/keep me away from all 340+ of my friends. I just couldn't break up will ALL those friends.

Is there a social network rehab facility available? Anyone know?
No? Good..I really didn't want help anyways.

You may ask yourself..what is all the hype about anyway? Why are millions of American's sacrificing sleep? Risking loosing their jobs due to the distraction/decrease in their work production?

It all boils down to a simple answer. Humans crave the need to connect with people. Cheers was onto the idea..but they had beer. Facebook just took it to a whole new level...and just passed out vitual beer.

Here is the Facebook twist..you know the tune:

Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got.

Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.

Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you want to login in to Facebook

Where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can status update,
that our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name and status update.

What can I say..I am a victim of Facebook circumstances.

Don't for get to go my Facebook account..and add me as your friend..you know..cause....I like to spread and support anything that may turn into a addiction or require antibiotics..

Friday, October 16, 2009

Friday Facts


1. Placed end to end, the bad checks Americans write in one year would stretch 35,000 miles.
2. More collect calls are made on Father's Day than on any other day of the year.
3. If you pet your pig, it will have a larger litter. Pigs, like people, respond to kindness.
4. The United States spends $79 million a day collecting "intelligence" around the world.
5. Calorie counting? People who work at night tend to weigh more that people who don't.
6. Getting married at Disney World? An extra $375 will get you Goofy as a "guest."
7. States with the three highest divorce rates: Arkansas, Wyoming, and Tennessee, in that order.
8. There are an average of 178 sesame sees on a McDonald's Big Mac bun.
9. Heavy thought: The world's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1.
10. When do shoplifters take the most stuff? Between 3pm and 6pm on Friday and Sunday.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

If you let me Trick ya..I'll Treat ya!

It is almost time to play dress up...I love, love, love Halloween. I love having a day where it is considered normal to look like a freak and act like a fool. Which for me just means a day to actually get to be myself..the Hussy Housewife...with no unwanted stares...no mental health calls...no solicitations.

Cause maturity wise ..I am...like...umm...12? Give or take a few months.

For years my Hubby and I used to host a big annual Halloween party for all of our friends..before kids.

We used to go all out. I could show you tons of my costumes, but you got work to get back to, so here is just a few.

Once I was a Geisha Girl to my husbands delight:Or a 1920's Flapper:
One year I decided to take a stand against all the fake-boobed, plastic smile, pounds of make-up pageant type girls. (psst.if you have fake boobies..what is your doctors name? Did they hurt? How much did they cost? *cough*) I mean....

You know the ones...carbon copy Barbie dolls..when you look upstairs..they aren't the smartest peanut in the turd..per..say.

Well kinda like this:
Yeah..like that. So I made my own sash that read, "Miss Plastic" on one side and,"Miss Silicone" on the other:
Yeah..then my darling kiddos came along. They have since become my center focus on this holiday. They have taken over my Halloween night. With them getting all hyped up on kiddie cocaine (aka sugar) and trying to touch me with sticky fingers, and tempting me for week at home with a bowl full of "Muffin Top Causing" candy/sweets. Thanks again.

But times are changing. I am ready to get back in the spook of things. This is where you all come in. I have 3 ideas of who I want to be this year..and can't decide.

Vote for your choice...who I am gonna disguise myself...as...
Kate Gosselin OR Lady GaGa OR Kim Zoliack...hard decisions here folks!

I will help you break it down in terms of pros and cons:

Kate Gosselin:
Pros- When else am I gonna be able to wear the reverse mullet with no shame?
- I get to carry my hubbies balls around in a mason jar all night. My hubby can just wear a Ed Harley shirt and be set to go.

Cons:
-People may just want to ask me parenting tips/ideas all night..while I am trying to ignore them because I am trying to have my own play date with Capt. Morgans.
-I might encounter a drunk frat girl..and for some unforeseen reason..get the urge to beat the crap out of her..and end up in Jail...cause i thought she was sleeping with my husband.

Lady GaGa:
Pros- This character costume is the closest to my alter ego..The Hussy..so it won't be to much of a stretch for me. I play this delusional-artistic-part in my mind everyday and here on my blog. I enjoy making people think I am temporarily insane. Is it working?
- If I pull this off tight...this may help in my chances of collaborating with Lady GaGa on writing a few songs with/for her. My people (Dwight and Capt. LeatherFace) have already contacted her people regarding this collaboration..we are still waiting on a response.

Cons
- I may get bombarded with stupid questions like..."Hey GaGa..what is a disco stick?" OR "Are you really a hermaphrodite?"
- I may end up with a synthesizer headache by the end of the night.

Kim Zoliack:
Pros- My chance to finally play the part of a selfish, self-important diva, wear a push up bra and let the girls hang out and play. Chain smoke Merit Ultra Lights..while I fondle my blond wig...and I tell everyone how beautiful I am...and Sing "Tardy for the Party" allllll night. Yeah!
- My hubby can be Big Poppa..and I can have fun calling him on the phone all night saying, "Big Poppa..I want a Capt'n Coke..Ohh thank you Big Poppa..Oh thank you..I love you Big Poppa!" And jump up and down like a 6 year old on Christmas morning. Till my friends all hate me and kick me out.
-I will get to finally full fill my dream to have a Gubby. Kim has one that is so fierce...he wears high heels. Maybe I could get my hubby to dress up as him for Halloween.

Cons- I would be forced to lower my IQ for the evening and ramble off statements like, "I wanna DIE in Dior." "Sheree trying to pull my wig, I could have done that to, like you have fake hair too, and I could pull yours to, but you have glue...like who does that?" OR "I'm honest about the fact that I'm dating a married man. [If I'd been] a stripper, why wouldn't I tell you?"
- I wouldn't be able to enjoy my party..because I would constantly have to be looking over my shoulder for NeNe or Big Poppa's wife to come and drag me outside by my weave.

What you think?