The Hussy is back and in the blog!

Ok...so last week was my "not really that grand" Hussy Housewife Blog Premier. I came out of my slumber summer blog break. I really have missed all you crazy voices in my head.

I had envisioned my grand entrance back to blogging as a something like this:




Well maybe you guys weren't really all that excited. Wait...what?...you were? Ohh, oops..someone just farted..sorry. Anyways.

I must admit..I did seriously think of never coming back to my blog. Kinda like a dine and dash...but instead of sticking you with the bill...I would stick you with the emotional scars of our relationship.

I guess it will depend on the traffic and responses I get. Otherwise I may decided it may not be worth my time anymore, and to just focus my energy on starting to write my book instead of posting.

Heh..time is money...and money is cocktails people. I need incentives...or I loose interest.

Then I thought, I am to legit to quit. So maybe it was just that I needed a blog makeover..maybe I was just tired of the way this place looked. I mean..just look around at this dump. Looks like a drunk-delusional-lunatic lives here. Oh..wait. Ummmm....never mind.

So I decided to make a new header for my blog....what do you all think? To much? I may still play around with it a bit. I may even muster up enough determination and drive....and change my layout a little. A new Hussy for 2009-2010?

Wait, who am kidding? I probably instead will just go grab a mag rag..and a Capt-n-Pepsi and go catch up on my DVR. I'll just make Dwight do the work around here.

Friday Facts

1. Only about a third of "Gilligan's Island" episodes are actually about getting off the island.
2. It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.
3. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
4. The first novel ever written on a typewriter was The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.
5. Stage fright: According to tradition, it's bad luck to say "MacBeth" in a theater.
6. The average caterpillar has 2,000 muscles in its body. The average human, less than 700.
7. Bestselling candy bar in Russia: Snickers.
8. Restroom tip: The first stall is usually the cleanest. Most people, seeking privacy, skip it.
9. The top 6 reasons for being late to work: 1) traffic, 2) oversleeping, 3) procrastination, 4) household chores, 5) car problems, 6) having sex.
10. In their first year of life, puppies grow 10 times faster than human infants do.

MWF seeking a fabulous Gubby

Ok, now where was I?

Oh yeah..this calamity that I ♥:

So..as I previously posted, I have been watching these Housewife shows for years....and being that I am a housewife as well.....I have taken several booze soaked pages of notes. Dysfunctional knowledge at it's best. Mmmm.

Like, that I need to find a cause...a charity...so I could have a excuse to throw a big party *cough* I mean...throw a charity event....well at least disguise it as such for a tax write off...but really plug my latest ventures and Hussy Housewife brand through out the event...and spend more on the Cocktail bar alone, than what was raised in total for my tax shelter/charity.

Then, I go to lunch with girlfriends for champagne and cocktails *cough* I mean business meetings...in order to "plan" my charity event...I also have my house manager/housewife assistant prey on my mailbox all day to pounce at what other invitations I get in the mail TO other tax shelter-booze wagon charity events.

Main reason is, this gives me a excuse to call up my gay boyfriend...tell him we need to go shopping for a "dress" for me to attend the event. So I then can spend more on my dress and shoes than I plan on donating to the charity. Make sense? I am good at math huh...oh yeah remember? Oh, and don't forget this one.

ANYways..this brings me to one very important life skill I have learned from this calamity of goodness educational show. It inspired my latest and greatest new word, my 8th word that I have gotten accepted into the Urban dictionary. (Can I get a that is soo Bananas? Thanks yous.)

Drum roll pleeeease...

"Gubby"

Ok..if you are to lazy to click on the link there..here is the meaning, definition and word used in my Hussy Housewife sentence. You know who you are:

Gubby:

Term used by housewives to describe their gay friend who is their gay version of their husband.

The man who acts as their husbands replacement/stand in for outings and activities that her hubby won't partake in. Ones he may deem "girlie."

"I asked my hubby to go with me today and get pedicures...then hit the fabric store to pick out fabrics for our new curtains. He told me to call my Gubby..cause there is a Football game on today."

********
I need a Gubby. Every housewife needs one.

My all time favorite Bravo Housewife's Gubby:
None other than..Nene's Gubby..the one and only..Dwight Eubanks
The fabulous hairdresser and fashion police of Atlanta. Him as my Gubby would go like this:
**********
(I walk into his salon to get my hair did...)

Dwight- "Well hey miss thing! Don't you look fabulous."

Me- "Thanks love. Just a little something one of my Gubby's picked out for me. Did you hear about Sheree's fashion show?"

Dwight- "Dreadful. A fashion show with no fashions? That is low budget."

Me- "I know. I heard she was bouncing checks down at a clothing store last week."
*********
My hubby has finally relented on letting me have a Gubby, he has given his permission on my acquiring one for a few reasons. One, it is football season..and between that and his Harley..he just doesn't have enough time for me. Second, I had my birthday a few weeks ago..and since it was MY DAY..I made him do all these Gubby activities. Like shampoo and condition my hair. No really...I did...salon style.

After that day, he was like yeah, you can have a Gubby..but I don't think you will find one here in Idaho. So thus begins my strenuous search.

I really am in need of a triple threat Gubby..fashion, hair, and interior design.

I am thinking about a Gubby along the lines of a mix of Dwight, Jeff Lewis, and Tim Gunn.

My ad I am gonna place:

"I am a Idaho Housewife looking for an emotionally available Gubby. One who is into fashion and able to give fashion advice. May assist in personal shopping duties. Must have a cosmetology license and be knowledgeable in interior design. One who is willing to listen to let me express all my feelings. Must be able and willing to gossip like the best mag rags out there."

So if anyone knows of any available..hook a housewife up.

I leave you with my favorite train wreck of a housewife, Kim's song. Don't be Tardy for the Party:

Tardy For The Party (Mix) - Kim Zolciak

The Hussy Houswife's Fall 2009 Season Blog Premier

Wow. Thank you. Thank you. Ladies and Gentleman. Please be seated. Welcome. Welcome. Thanks for stopping by. Yes. Yes. Thank you. Please be seated. Hold your applause. I missed you guys to. Take your seats. Hold your comments till the end of the blog post.

So do any of you watch Bravo TV? You know, the channel that tells you..."watch what happens."Sorry..that was just a plug for my blog...I couldn't touch help myself. Here is the real one:

Well you CERTAINLY do need to start watching this channel to see what happens. It is quite the calamity of goodness. It is like watching what is left of humanity get in a car with Lindsay Lohan who is drunk and high on red bull..and you are the fly on the arm rest. EXACTLY. Calamity goodness.

So ANYways....I am hooked on one of their shows like Jon Gosselin is hooked on Ed Hardy Tees and drunk frat girls. Drum roll pleeeese........The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Ok, now here is the part where I make a few deep confessions...and then you let me cry..and you don't judge me...and then you cry... then you make a few confessions too...and then you ask me if I need a drink...and then I say yes..and then you get us drinks...then we end up BFF's forever.
K?
K.

Soooo, actually I have watched *cough* every *cough* season *cough* and show *cough* of the BRAVO Housewives franchise *cough*

What?

Remember the "no judging my life priorities part"?

Soo, that means I have watched every beautiful scandel-icious episode of The Housewives of...Orange County...of New York...of New Jersey..and last but not the least bit scandel-icious...the Housewives of Atlanta.

Why do I confess these things....to let you know that this "officially" makes me the utmost Bravo Housewife specialist. PLUS..I am a housewife myself. PLUS I am totally Scandel-icious myself(Hello? Just read this blog). Which basically makes me a Bravo TV triple threat. Yeah I know. You wished I lived up in your neighborhood don't ya? You can send me your requests.

So ANYways...on the down low...I, the Hussy Housewife....Due to my Bravo TV/Housewives triple threat status, am in negotiations right now with the Bravo TV network to get my own Housewives series called:
Can you say, "Sweet Potato"!!!!!

Umm...yes..that is a potato I am holding. And yes that is a potato skinned-bikini-wearing potato on top of the beautiful state of Idaho. I live up in I-da-ho, and that is how we rolls up here.

Just the mere fact that the Hussy can't be held responsible for what she says OR does= Good Television.

Trust me. You are gonna wanna..."watch what happens."

To be continued.....
I will be explaining what my new word: "Gubby" is.

~The Hussy~

Friday Facts

1. The largest painting on earth is a 72,437 square~foot smiley face.
2. There are only 2 places in the world where men outlive women: Southern Asia and Iran.
3. At this moment, nearly 2,000 thunderstorms are taking place around the world.
4. Dr. Seuss coined the word "nerd" in his 1950 book, If I Ran the Zoo.
5. Where does the word condom come from? Dr. Charles Condom (1630-1685)>
6. Sound familiar? Gorillas stick our their tongues when they're angry.
7. The heaviest dog on record was a St. Bernard that weighed 310 pounds.
8. Traffic report: Accidents rise 10% in the first week of daylight savings time.
9. Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation on Earth.
10. Kitty litter: 3,000 out of every 3,001 calico kittens born are female.

~I am resuming my Blog post duties on Monday. My blog summer break is officially over! Try and hold yourself's together.

The Hussy Housewife