Friday Facts

1. Men are three times more likely than women to commit suicde after a unhappy love affair. (you reading this Jon Gosselin?)
2. Queen bees don't use their stingers-except to kill other queen bees. (you reading this Kate Gosselin?)
3. There is a town in Newfoundland, Canada call Dildo.
4. The flu was first describes by Hippocrates, in 412 B.C.
5. Elvis collected statuettes of Joan of Arc and Venus de Milo.
6. The U.S. Congress didn't make "The Star Spangled Banner" the national anthem until 1931.
7. Full 50% of the Netherlands-including its two largest cities- lie below sea level.
8. Average U.S. family income in 1915: $687 a year.
9. It's against the law to hunt camels in Arizona.
10. People in Salt Lake City eat more Jell-O than citicans in any other state.

It is Toilet Time, you all know I am full of it..

Remember how I gave you incoherent ramblings/excuses as to where I have been. What I had been up to. I will provide some proof/pictures maybe if my lawyer calls. Until then, we are pretty much done with finishing the last two rooms in our unfinished basement..the last of the last! Whoo Hoo! In all retrospect..next time we will let the contractor finish the work.

Hussy needs to rest/relax/blog/self medicate with booze-food-reality TV. I don't have time for home improvements. I officially woke up on Tuesday with a home improvement hangover..and had turned Home Depot orange..thus resulting in my looking like a drunk Oompa Loompa. So needless to say, this "project" was getting in the way of my Hussy life. It has also been getting in the way of "our" relationship..yes you.

Anyway, back to the dookie. We got the new toilet installed, and immediately soooo graciously turned to my hubby and told him he could Cristen the toilet.
Drop the first bomb.
Drop the kids off at the pool.
Pinch the first loaf.
How generous of me.

This new bathroom has a "toilet room" in it. I decided that I needed a toilet decal. A symbol to demonstrate what happens in this room. So I need your help. Here are the ones I want you to vote on. I have graciously given them descriptive titles to help you choose:

#1: "We be dropping bombs on you all!"

#2: "In the event of a gastro failer, a gas mask will drop from the ceiling"#3: "We recycle, please deposit your bombs here"

#4: "Dangerous bodily waste, proceed with caution"#5: "May experience clouds of toxic gas"
#6: "In the event you start experiencing trouble, help is on the way"

#7: "Please dispose properly of the brown trout"
So please help me make this life changing decision in my life. I am torn on which one to order. I really am getting one, so leave me a comment with your vote!

Friday Facts

No...I am not under the influence or the supervision of a Doctor or medicated right now. I am aware of what day it is, Tuesday not Friday. I just know you are are jones'en for some Friday facts. Since you have been having withdraws for the last 6 weeks..since the last FF binder you went on. So here is a little "some'en some'em" for your cerebral cortex!

1. Rocky Road ice cream was invented during the Depression as a "comment of the times."
2. Presidential firsts: To pay for the Civil War, Abe Lincoln signed an income tax into law.
3. Reindeer are the only species of deer in which the female grows antlers.
4. In Bangkok, Thailand, ice skates are known as "hard water shoes."
5. "honcho" is a Japaneses word that means "squad leader." It was Americanized after WWII, hence Head Honcho.
6. Sleepwalking is hereditary.
7. Military spending: Among other things, the U.S. military operates 234 golf courses,
8. Four health clinics around the world specialize in bad breath. (two are in Philadelphia.)
9. Amazing fact: 20% of the people in human history who lived beyond age 65 are still alive today.
10. Virginia has more ghosts registered withe the Ghost Research Society that any other sate.

With a YO-HO-HO! and a UH-OH-OH!

Lately I have been loosing a lot of sleep at night. Sweating. Tossing and turning. No, not from a detox. From worrying a lot about my pirate Capt. Joesph LeatherFace.

In light of all the recent Somalia pirate news that has been splashing all over our TV's. I thought I had caught a glimpse of my pirate:
Was that my Capt. Joesph LeatherFace up front leading the pack of pirates?

I was worried that LeatherFace may have set sail with the wrong crowd. Was he responsible for these hijackings and ransoms? I hoped not. That would not be the sweet, stinky drunk I raised. That I know and love.

I decided it was time to have a blimey important conversation with my pirate. Seeing how I dropped the bottle on the sex and drug talk..I figured I may want to have the "sailing around
with the wrong pirates" talk.

Teach him that these guys are BAD news like Nair.If anyone is gonna be a bad influence on him..I want it to be me.

Me: LeatherFace! Can you stagger in here..we need to talk.

CJLF: Arrrgggh..but I'er just put on the Goonies to watch.

Me: Yes this is important, I just have a few question for you.

CJLF: (burp) What? Did my probation officer call about my hit and rum again?(belch) Is that wench saying she's pregnant again? Tell her I ain't got no booty of treasure, just her booty..

Me: No. I want to ask you where/who you have been sailing around with lately?

CJLF: Avast..ermm..let mer' think. My memory ain't to good deese' days. Ohh, just Captain Morgans and a few wenches from the pub.

Me: So you don't know any Somali pirates, or haven't been out hijacking foreign aid cargo ships?

CJLF: Aye Me? I can't even pronounce that. My pillaging days are over Hussy..I am a retired pirate who now spends his days designing Crow's nests, lounging on the Poop deck with lassy-landlubber's, wenches, and my two best friends Capt. Morgan's and Rum.

Me: You are sure? I thought I saw you on the news hanging with the wrong crowd.

CJLF: Not me' hearty. I speak da' truth. I don't hang out with those scallywags. Plus, I quit traveling as much since I had to sell my boat to pay off some gambling debts. I haven't put me' sea dogs on in years.

Me: Ok, I believe you. You haven't been showing any of the signs of sailing around with the wrong crowd..like doing stuff you wouldn't normally do. You still are up wailing out chantey's and singing till the wee hours of the night..sleeping in till 2pm. I just want you to be aware of what kind of pirates are out there in these new times, and how dangerous this new breed is.

CJLF: What me' lassy? No pirates be' tougher than me and me lads!

Me: Well these let's just say..unlike you guys..these pirates are not "high" but "High-tech." They don't use wind sails, maps, compasses, talking parrots, swords and cannons. They have speed boats, machine guns, and GPS. It is all waaaay over your crows nest. So don't EVER get mixed up with these Somali pirates..they are dangerous!

CJLF: (belch) Sooo, what kind of booty these lads getting with this "high-tech" stuff? *cough* I mean..I only be asking for my land lubber, Dwight *cough*

Me: Ohh, these guys be getting ransom booty's for millions. Driving up the cost of shipping. Delaying shipments of aid to starving people...

CJLF: What is "millions" in say treasure chest?

Me: Ohh..1 million = about 2 million treasure chests.

CJLF: SHIVER ME TIMBERS! That is a lot of goblets of rum, salted meats, and pickled grub for a old pirate!

Me: Don't even think about it. It is not worth it..you could end of with a peg leg, a hook for a hand...or even worse a glass eye! If you so much as drink about it..I will send you to your ship, and have you swabbing the poop deck with my undies that I don't wear!

We interrupt this blog to bring you.....

A plea for HELP! I know I have more excuses than Jon from Jon and Kate plus 8....as to why I have not blogging as much. This time I was supposed to leave town this weekend. Then I just decided to stay home...so I could keep my commitment with my friends to have a yard sale. Yes I know...So will you? Come on....you know how crazy people are out there at yard sales. While I do enjoy the people watching...some are straight in need of medication and sedation. Last year I had my first yard sale of my entire 30 years young life. People were ringing the door bell at 6AM!!! Which is why I have learned from my first sale...so this year it is being held at my friends house. (*insert evil laugh*)

Heh...I am not stupid. Besides..I will bring her a coffee when I show up. I am a nice Hussy.

So needless to say..I haven't had time to blog to you all..since I am just now getting ready...less than 24 hours from the feeding frenzy. Panic has set in. I am probably not gonna be able to pull this off...especially since I am wasting time blogging this to you all.

I REPEAT..."PLEASE SEND HELP AND BOOZE!"

You guys got any good yard sale stories??? Tell me them...I will have my laptop there..

Back to the swine of things

I have been away..busy holding down the Hussy bunker..stockpiling on face masks and flasks. Ohh and hand sanitizer too..but only for it's high alcohol content. Did you know you can drink it and get drunk? Well the Hussy knows...and you can. We have cases of it in the bunker already. Gives you a clean drunk. Your vomit is germ-free!

Actually..Michael Jackson and I were in on this hysteria-fashion long before CNN. So I already had a bunch of face masks in my bunker ready for wear. This epidemic time I decided I needed a little more style when it came to my masks. No one wants to look ugly when they are shooting out both orifices. Fashion first, then the flu, then the spew.

So I have been busy working on my own high fashion face mask line. My inspiration for this line was "BAMF ninjas meet drunks- who meet happy hour." They will be available this coming flu season.

However...I am releasing a special line of Hussy Mask just for the Swine/H1N1 flu. For a limited time ONLY!!!Or for those who are more fashionable forward in their flu:Of course I have taken care of my cronies to. Dwight prefers the more high tech..extreme versions, but it doesn't interrupt his office work for me: Capt. LeatherFace just wanted a swine nose. He thinks the word swine stems from the word swig and wine, thus the mask must have a slit in it for him to drink his rum through. Dwight and Capt. LeatherFace have been hanging out in the ER waiting rooms for product testing purposes. I have even booked us a booze run down to Cabo for more testing...and it is a tax right off!!! I will let you all know how our trip goes.

I am sure we will be fine. This H1S1 pandemic is mostly hysteria. Over 36,000 people die a year just from the common flu. So we are always having a pandemics flu season. The young and old are always gonna be at risk. Flu's will always mutate, whether it be the Human version, the avian or the swine. I personally am in favor of wiping out all flu strands. I say nation wide..we all take a month long vacations. Stock up our homes with food..and take a month long sabbatical.