Friday Facts

1. There are one trillion atoms in a grain of salt.
2. It takes a shark about a week to grow a new set of teeth.
3. There really is an insect called the love bug. It spends 56 hours~more than 1/2 its life mating.
4. F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote nine books in 1939. He was paid a total of $33 for them.
5. The "first electronic computer" was built in 1889 for the U.S. Census Bureau.
6. Q: Which country drinks more Coke than any other nation on earth? A: Mexico.
7. Crocodiles kill more people in the jungle than any other animal.
8. Nearly 75% of all U.S. Congress staff members suffer from heartburn.
9. Americans buy more candy at Easter than they do at Halloween.
10. The world's rarest matchbook, issued after Charles Lindbergh's Atlantic flight, is worth $4,000.

Rules of EnFOILment and EnHIGHLIGHTment

I am talking about the unspoken "Code of ethics" that applies to your business arrangement with your hair dresser. Also known as your hair stylist, beautician...the gossip specialist. Or maybe you are supposed to call them a "cosmetologist." I am not sure which they prefer. I think it is similar to me either being called a homemaker or SAHM verses a "House Manager." The later sounds a bit more professional.

Anyway....there is a code of ethics that many know..but don't speak about in public. Only in the privacy of your home with the lights and flat iron turned off. I have a dear friend who breaks these code of ethics...cheats on her hair dresser every chance she gets. Whores around from one salon to the next...only leaving a trail of split ends and foils behind her. I call her a beauty salon Hussy. I told her I was gonna BLOG her out. I made this image JUST for her:

I am always teasing her. Telling her she is gonna get caught cheating on her hair dresser. When she does..it is gonna be bad news hair. Well, actually one does know about the other "one" and the other doesn't know about one. It is a complicated hair of lies and knots. All I know is one will foil her hair. Then it will be messed up..so she runs crying into the arms of her other hair dresser..begging to be taken back after her hair infidelities. Then she will have to hid the new "work" done from the other one.....what a chemical romance.

I do feel her pain though. I have had the awkward feeling of having to "break up" with one of my hair dressers. I mean, it is easy to have a hair-hook-up...but a hair-break-up? I mean how do you say that to someone holding scissors? Someone with the ability to make you look like you went to Walmart and just bought a box? Well you can do a few things:

1. Whore around the salons, and let more than one comb go through your hair.
2. Sit your head in more that one hair dryer, and be called a hair hussy.
3. Or just never go back, and hope that the next time you run into them...you can run the other way..or are wearing a hat.

Why not just tell them you are going to be going to someone else? Why this much drama? Because women get their "feelers" hurt. The last time I had to break up with my hair dresser for another, I chose option #3. I just figured that I would use the famous break up line out there, "It is not you, it's me." Pretend that I decided to go back to my "natural" hair color. Make a clean break, be the person I was mean to be. No more chemicals for me.

That plan seemed to be working until she showed up in my workout class. I had no hat to put on to hide my recent work. A class that only has black lights on. If anyone has had the privilege of being under black lights, they know that not only can you see any spec of lint on your clothes, any mystery stains on your clothes, the whites of your eyes and teeth......you can also see who really isn't a "natural" blondie.

Our eyes met. Yep...I saw her eyes glance up at my hair. Hussy was busted. Once you get your hand caught in the revolving salon door..you learn your lesson. You stick to one comb, one hair dryer, one pair of scissors.

Just like a prayer, Obama will take you there

This is the follow up to my Inauguration Hangover post. I got some great comments which inspired me to do a follow up. Most of you all agreed, and understood what I was trying to incoherently babble say.

For the others: Yes...we all know Obama is restoring HOPE in many Americans. However the point was about the lovely monster we call the media. As usual the media monster is taking things a bit to far. Making weightless comparisons, and trying to sensationalize the presidency like it is a Star studded Oscar event. Complete with movie stars and rock stars. Obama is the leading actor, Michelle with her fashion and style...is the leading lady. The Media would have you think I am soooo interested in who designed her gowns. I will have you know I am more interested in the fact that the stock market is investing in commodities...causing my gas prices to raise. NOT the fact that Michelle was wearing Jimmy Choos..and walking in the parade.

I for one do not want Hollywood with their money and way of doing things mixing with politics and Washington DC. We need to treat Hollywood like it is a contagious disease and quarantine politics from it. If you are a movie star...I don't care what your politics are. Just shut up, learn your lines, and starve yourself to get into your character's size 0 jeans...so our youth can turn anorexic.

I feel like the media is grabbing a hold of Obama, and casting him in a role they see fit. Trying to mold him into some character. Their constant comparisons to Lincoln. Those who actually know history, know that Lincoln was not popular during his presidency. Only later down the road of history. When people realized the impact of his actions. So a better comparison would be to Bush, who like Lincoln, didn't have a high approval rating when he left office. Maybe down the road people will realize the impact of Bush's presidency. Ending Saddam Hussein's reign. Getting him tried for his psychopathic crimes, and hung. So in 30 years...people will be grateful for that accomplishment.

Then they compare him to J.F.K. Don't get me wrong, Kennedy was a great leader. Also a adulterous-pill popper. So I don't think that is a great comparison either. I am sure Michelle wouldn't like him being compared to a adulterous. Kennedy made Clinton look like a celibate. I seem to sense Obama takes his wedding vows a little more serious than J.F.K. did.

So lets not let the media fool us into watching their movie they are making of the media messiah. Let him be his own man, with his own accomplishments. Stop thinking everything is gonna turn up roses. Obama even states in his own speeches that it is WE American's who have a lot of work ahead of us. So no I am not drinking the Obama haterade. I just drink the thinkformyselfade. I prefer to see some on the job performances before I start making any judgements or comparisons to past presidents.

See how history works??? Well not if you are watching the movie the media had played out for you. So I decided to make my own video. I made a very special video to further illustrate my point:

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Friday Facts

1. An average person gives off about as much heat in an hour as a 100~watt light bulb.
2. The three most profitable sections in a supermarket: meat, fresh produce, and pet food.
3. Mark Twain tried to convince children that Santa Claus lived on the moon. HE couldn't.
4. Yum yum! A pound of houseflies contains more protein than a pound of beef.
5. As a person ages, the first sense to go is the sense of smell.
6. 54% of U.S. women say they'd rather "get run over by a truck" than gain 150 lbs.
7. 71% of college~educated women-but only 44% of non~college~educated women breastfeed.
8. IRS fact: 20 million taxpayers a year wait until April to begin filling out their tax returns.
9. 63% of shopping~mall Santa's have a college degree...and 29% are fluent in sign language.
10. Most effective deterrent to house break~ins: "A noisy dog," thieves say.

Inauguration Hangover

I woke up this morning feeling like a bag of smashed "a" holes. Actually I started feeling like that on Monday...a head cold...ohhhhh gooody gumdrops.

This resulted in me being unfortunately bed ridden on and off through out the day. So I thought, awwwweee heck...I will break that "no news channels" rule of mine for just today. SO I could maybe partake in all this Obama fever and hype that has been going around. Maybe tune in and see what the media messiah himself is going to be up to today. What they will be wearing, how he walks. Does he have a little jive in his step? Is he wearing Jesus shoes? Does he have a staff with magical powers?

To my surprise, with all the media hype, you would have thought this man would be parting the waters after the inaugural show. Maybe have a basket with only one loaf of bread in it and one fish which he will turn into enough food to feed millions. "Obama will save us!"

Don't get me wrong, he is a great motivator and speaker. Has great ideas..which I hope he can pull off. It just seems that too many American's are getting what most men tend to say about a women they just broke up with, "You are getting a little to "needy" for me." If I were him...I would sooooo have already broken up with all you needy freaks.

How about before we start comparing him to Lincoln, J.F.K., we actually let him do his job. Let him be his own man. I mean, to compare him to these great leaders before he has even been given the chance to prove himself is a bit much. How about some on the job performances before we start putting him up on the pedestal. Building shrines around him.

These people are putting all their eggs in one basket. These are the same people who woke up this morning and were greatly displeased when they looked out their windows. They didn't see any rainbows, unicorns, puppies, and virgins out frolicking around all over the place.

Sorry to take the wind out of your sails..but he is just a mere mortal. Just like all of us. While we hope he makes good policy changes, puts a stop to corporate greed, and corporate welfare through bailouts. That he leads a great team of white house staffers....it is ultimately up to YOU to change. YOU still have to be a upstanding, tax paying, law abiding, legal citizen. YOU still have to get a job. YOU still have to live within your means. YOU still have to not borrow more than you can afford to pay back. YOU still have to educate yourself. YOU still have to take care of your own health. YOU still have to take care of the kids you have.

One of my favorite quotes is, "Change is certain. Growth is optional"

So yes there will be lots of changes going on. But only you can help yourself. Have your own growth, and learn how to be a better person to yourself and others.

For you are your own worst enemy. Instead of looking for someone else to solve all your problems..try looking in the mirror first. It is called being a "self-starter."

That is my lecture for today. Sorry I had to do it. People ate getting a little to carried away.

I feel like I could make one big Obama infomercial. What? You have lost your job? Don't worry Obama will save you.

What? You borrowed more on your mortgage than you knew you could pay back? Lived beyond your means so you could try and impress the neighbors? Don't worry Obama will save you!!

(Picture him flying is in his Dolce & Gabbana tights and cape.)

This causing me to have a inauguration hangover........

OHHH MEEE SOOO FUUNNY (In best Oriental accent)

Soooo, I made a video for you all. Ok..ok I know, I know what you are thinking... I have made some interesting video for you guys over the years. This video is different. Like I am talking Sundance Film Festival quality. Academy award caliber.

This is not like my Hussy Highlights of 2008 video I made. Or like the videos I made when me and my cronies went out and got elfed up. Or when I shared with you all my trip to the ocean. Or like the farewell video for my friend Andrea that I made you all watch. Or the time I made you all cry with me by watching the video I made of my dog, Lord Louie when he died last fall. Or the time I made you watch the Blair Witch/Top Gun video I made and shot of my cousins flyover. Actually that last one I mentioned did kick some cool ass...deserves a re-watch.

So anyway what I am trying to say is I really out did myself on this latest video I made. While I sit here be the phone waiting for Steven Spielberg to call, please turn up the volume, click, and enjoy:

http://www.fykz.com/subtitles/display.php?id=4557

I know...really? Cult classic ya think?

So what else have I been screwing around with that has required me to ignore my Hussy responsibilities here? Well I had to finish my piece I was submitting for a book. I procrastinated and waited till the last minute. That is how the Hussy rolls. Hussy doesn't do well with deadlines, only long lines. Now I wait to see if I am approved.

While waiting for that, I did get 3 new Hussy Housewife words accepted into the Urban dictionary. Go see them and give me a thumbs up!

They are:
phone throned- http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=phone%20throned

phone flush- http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=phone%20flush

Frow- http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=frow

So really I will get my blogging butt in gear, and blog ya later!

Friday Facts

1. Commonsense fact: Animals that lay eggs don't have belly buttons.
2. Your're born with 300 bones, but have only 206 as an adult. The others fuse together.
3. Vampire bats use rivers to navigate. They smell the animal blood in the water and follow it.
4. Birth of the dimpled ball: Golfers noticed that old, dented balls flew farther than new ones.
5. Five percent of Americans think "espresso" is an overnight service.
6. Q: What is the Levator Labii Superioris Alaeque Nasi? A: Ot's the muscle you use to smile.
7. Most popular pizza topping in South Korea: Tuna.
8. * The Graham cracker was named after Dr. Sylvester Graham.
9. Doctors in ancient China were paid when patients were healthly, not sick.
10. Yuck! 70% of the dust in your house is skin your family members (including pets) have shed.

While I was out ridin' rails...

Several things happened and occurred to me while on the mountain. What is new. Don't act soo surprised. I did discover some great Hussy snowboarding tunes to rip to....drummmm roooolll please, "Monster Ballads: Disc1 and 2." Go get yourself hooked the Hussy up! Great for cleaning your house, crimping your hair, and stalking your neighbors also.

Speaking of music, I actually ended up having a weird CD player malfunction the whole time I was there. I was the only one who remembered to bring up a large audience tune-playing device. My Cd player was doing fine being fondled, and fought over, and operated by half lit relatives. Then by day two he got a bit of a attitude..decided what he was going to play and what not. Buy day 5..he had apparently and suspiciously developed a sensuous taste for the smell of Exclamation perfume, a Aqua Net spraying, leather wearing hussy. I was pissed...I thought I was the only Hussy in his life. Don't worry...I got him back...later.

So my CD player went from playing any of the 100's of CD's we had on hand to only playing a few here and there...turned bipolar-ish. To only playing 1! Yes, UNO...one! A CD brought by a friend of ours. Who was this artist? None other that Chrissy Steele! Yeah, that is what I said too, "Who is that raspy voiced hooker?" Well here is the album cover that I was forced to stare at for days?

Yep, I know. My CD player is a bit weird and is now in a landfill. That is how I handle that kind of disrespect in my house! Ohhh...if you want a taste of what I was subjected, take a listen here...it was kinda the Hussy theme song. Feel free to take a peek at more than one track, don't just look once at this mess once. Give her a good and proper WTF. Almost made me want to go out and get some leathers and White Rain.....

Ohh so here is a few shots I took on the mountain. Blue skies going up, despite all the weather warnings:
Our view from the deck of the lake:

I managed to score a few more awards for the case while I was gone to. My Zucchini award I worked for and won...for Best Caption This, from Da Old Man.

Ain't' she a beaut? Then also a big thanks to Quirkyloon and the The Skinny Queen for giving these two awards to me!! I love my blog friends...and I didn't even have to pay them. They may have been lit though.

Ok....vacation over. Now I will be back to crazy on here sooner than you can leave me a comment! Don't forget to go participate in my weekly Slang Word of the Week post over at Humorbloggers.com today! Go take my lesson.

I'm back from rehab

Sorry to have left you all in such a panicked rush, I was gone on "vacation" wink..wink.

No really I was. I was on a 9 day snowboarding trip in beautiful northern Idaho. I lasted 7 days into the trip, before cutting my trip short. I was about to commit a crime of passion.....

Home safe and un-sound. My neighbors are not safe anymore. But who cares about all that biz. I have some thank- you's to drop on you all.

While I was gone the Hussy blog lost her "prized possession" to two top cabal humor bloggers. Some of my fellow HumorBlogger.com peeps bloggsitted for me while I was gone. The first time EVER on my blog. Like most women do. I held on to my prized jewel. Waited for the right person and moment to come along. They did. I gave two bloggers the key to my iron blog for the week.

I entrusted it in great humor hands though. Two superstars of sorts. I would like to take this moment to pimp them out..and say thanks.

The famous, Dani from "Mom's Crazy Life" . She rocks sooo much she hot her own magazine spread this last fall. HooRahh for her! That is how my friends roll. She dropped by with her Leather Face post. I am still not sure if Capt. Joseph LeatherFace took offense to it..but I couldn't have agrees more with her. One look at a washed up, 70's- 80's baby oil lathering leather-bag ladies that smell like coconuts sure have scared me out the the door. I don't care how cute the stickers are they give ya! Thanks Dani, I owe my left one! ☺

Then the half way through the week..the ever popular and lovable, winner of the Humorblogger of the year award: Da Old Man from "Crotchety Old Man Yells at Cars". He graciously hosted his famous "Caption This" contest here. If you win this contest...you get your hand on a highly blogsphere coveted Zucchini award! Thanks for bringing you favorite baby over here, and sharing! ☺

*cough* not to brag..but I won it last week before I left...and will be showing you all soon my new toy trophy.

I hope you all enjoyed them. Go check them out and tell them the Hussy sent ya!!

Friday Facts

1. American tables are set with salt and pepper, in Hungary it's salt ans paprika.
2. Uneven stats: There are about 10,700 births and 5,700 deaths everyday in the United States.
3. Q: What kind of wood is used to make Scrabble letters? A: Vermont Maple.
4. The stirrup, the tinest bone in your body (it's in your ear), is smaller than a ant.
5. The automobile "population" of Seoul, South Korea, increases by 800 cars every day.
6. The world's five smallest countries would easily fit inside of Walt Disney World.
7. At one English bed -and-breakfast, visitors get to take home "a free bootload of manure."
8. Most expensive city in the world for grocery shopping: Tokyo.
9. Q: What do you call a person who assembles the underparts of pianos? A: The "belly builders."
10. The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.

Caption This--Twist and Shout Edition

The Hussy has been hijacked...

No, not the person..silly..the blog. This is Dani from Mom's crazy life.com
So as I'm sitting here, slaving at my computer for the Hussy. She's out having a glorious time at some Chip -n -Dales Ranch or something for a week. Getting her hair done and her nails done. Back massages from big buffed out men. Hmmmmmm...
So, traditionally what I do on my blog is the Monday edition of "sh*t that I can't stand". I hope you enjoy it and remember, if I come off too offensive to some...this isn't my blog...:)
SH*T THAT I CAN'T STAND :
I have a friend that continuously tries to convince me to tan. You know, like fake and bake. She claims that I'm pasty white and need some color.
" I need color ? " " I've always been pasty white, it's nothing new".
Now, I have never been one for tanning at all. Actually after working the 11p-7a shift for a million years, I have grown an internal hatred towards sun light. As if I'm a vampire of sorts. Maybe that's the reason why I'm " pasty white".
So after months of begging me to go with her, I finally broke down. We drove together and while sitting in the passenger seat, a million thoughts flooded my mind such as:
" Do I have to get naked" . Can't I keep some clothes on? " OMG what if they have a hidden camera and are taping me and now I'll be all over the internet. Oh wait, no body will want to see me naked, I should be flattered. Well, just in case I'll keep my draws and a shirt on".
As my brain was trying absorb the tanning dilemma, we arrived at the tanning salon.

Beautiful bottles of coconut smelling oil selling for $150.00. Bathing suites everywhere, being sold for $200.00, fancy makeup products and sunglasses. All of which cost a fortune. I was in awww.
As my attention was drawn away from all of the elaborate and brand name articles. Out came a lady.
LEATHER FACE !!!!!! IT WAS FREAKING LEATHER FACE !!!!!!

Leather face soon approached me asking me if I wanted to buy some minutes for a tanning bed.
" Huh" was my reply. " Uh no"
I walked out of that luxurious toaster and went to the car. All I kept thinking was, " there is no product in this world that can possibly fix that". $200.00 cream couldn't touch it !!!
I think I'll stay my pasty white..thanks.
-Dani-

Friday Facts

1. The celebration of the new year is the oldest of all holidays we celebrate. It was first observed in ancient Babylon about 4000 years ago.
2. In the years around 2000 BC, the Babylonian New Year began with the first New Moon (actually the first visible crescent) after the Vernal Equinox (first day of spring).
3. The beginning of spring is a much more logical time to start a new year. It is the season of rebirth, of planting new crops, and of blossoming. January 1, on the other hand, has no astronomical nor agricultural significance. It is purely arbitrary.
4. The Romans continued to observe the new year in late March, but their calendar was continually tampered with by various emperors so that the calendar soon became out of synchronization with the sun.
5. In order to set the calendar right, the Roman senate, in 153 BC, declared January 1 to be the beginning of the new year. But tampering continued until Julius Caesar, in 46 BC, established what has come to be known as the Julian Calendar. It again established January 1 as the new year. But in order to synchronize the calendar with the sun, Caesar had to let the previous year drag on for 445 days.
6. A traditions of the season is making a New Year's resolution. That tradition dates back to the early Babylonians. Babylonian's most popular resolution was to return borrowed farm equipment.
7. Although the Rose Bowl football game was first played as a part of the Tournament of Roses in 1902, it was replaced by Roman chariot races the following year. In 1916, the football game returned as the sports centerpiece of the festival.
8. Traditionally, it was thought that one could affect the luck they would have throughout the coming year by what they did or ate on the first day of the year. For that reason, it has become common for folks to celebrate the first few minutes of a brand new year in the company of family and friends. Parties often last into the middle of the night after the ringing in of a new year. It was once believed that the first visitor on New Year's Day would bring either good luck or bad luck the rest of the year. It was particularly lucky if that visitor happened to be a tall dark-haired man.
9. Traditional New Year foods are also thought to bring luck. Many cultures believe that anything in the shape of a ring is good luck, because it symbolizes "coming full circle," completing a year's cycle. For that reason, the Dutch believe that eating donuts on New Year's Day will bring good fortune.
10. The tradition of using a baby to signify the new year was begun in Greece around 600 BC. It was their tradition at that time to celebrate their god of wine, Dionysus, by parading a baby in a basket, representing the annual rebirth of that god as the spirit of fertility.