Wednesday, September 23, 2009

MWF seeking a fabulous Gubby

Ok, now where was I?

Oh yeah..this calamity that I ♥:

 I previously posted, I have been watching these Housewife shows for years....and being that I am a housewife as well.....I have taken several booze soaked pages of notes. Dysfunctional knowledge at it's best. Mmmm.

Like, that I need to find a cause...a I could have a excuse to throw a big party *cough* I mean...throw a charity event....well at least disguise it as such for a tax write off...but really plug my latest ventures and Hussy Housewife brand through out the event...and spend more on the Cocktail bar alone, than what was raised in total for my tax shelter/charity.

Then, I go to lunch with girlfriends for champagne and cocktails *cough* I mean business order to "plan" my charity event...I also have my house manager/housewife assistant prey on my mailbox all day to pounce at what other invitations I get in the mail TO other tax shelter-booze wagon charity events.

Main reason is, this gives me a excuse to call up my gay boyfriend...tell him we need to go shopping for a "dress" for me to attend the event. So I then can spend more on my dress and shoes than I plan on donating to the charity. Make sense? I am good at math huh...oh yeah remember? Oh, and don't forget this one.

ANYways..this brings me to one very important life skill I have learned from this calamity of goodness educational show. It inspired my latest and greatest new word, my 8th word that I have gotten accepted into the Urban dictionary. (Can I get a that is soo Bananas? Thanks yous.)

Drum roll pleeeease...


Ok..if you are to lazy to click on the link is the meaning, definition and word used in my Hussy Housewife sentence. You know who you are:

Term used by housewives to describe their gay friend who is their gay version of their husband.

The man who acts as their husbands replacement/stand in for outings and activities that her hubby won't partake in. Ones he may deem "girlie."

"I asked my hubby to go with me today and get pedicures...then hit the fabric store to pick out fabrics for our new curtains. He told me to call my Gubby..cause there is a Football game on today."
I need a Gubby. Every housewife needs one.

My all time favorite Bravo Housewife's Gubby:
None other than..Nene's Gubby..the one and only..Dwight Eubanks
The fabulous hairdresser and fashion police of Atlanta. Him as my Gubby would go like this:
(I walk into his salon to get my hair did...)

Dwight- "Well hey miss thing! Don't you look fabulous."

Me- "Thanks love. Just a little something one of my Gubby's picked out for me. Did you hear about Sheree's fashion show?"

Dwight- "Dreadful. A fashion show with no fashions? That is low budget."

Me- "I know. I heard she was bouncing checks down at a clothing store last week."
My hubby has finally relented on letting me have a Gubby, he has given his permission on my acquiring one for a few reasons. One, it is football season..and between that and his Harley..he just doesn't have enough time for me. Second, I had my birthday a few weeks ago..and since it was MY DAY..I made him do all these Gubby activities. Like shampoo and condition my hair. No really...I style.

After that day, he was like yeah, you can have a Gubby..but I don't think you will find one here in Idaho. So thus begins my strenuous search.

I really am in need of a triple threat, hair, and interior design.

I am thinking about a Gubby along the lines of a mix of Dwight, Jeff Lewis, and Tim Gunn.

My ad I am gonna place:

"I am a Idaho Housewife looking for an emotionally available Gubby. One who is into fashion and able to give fashion advice. May assist in personal shopping duties. Must have a cosmetology license and be knowledgeable in interior design. One who is willing to listen to let me express all my feelings. Must be able and willing to gossip like the best mag rags out there."

So if anyone knows of any available..hook a housewife up.

I leave you with my favorite train wreck of a housewife, Kim's song. Don't be Tardy for the Party:

Tardy For The Party (Mix) - Kim Zolciak


CatLadyLarew said...

I could use a gubby a lot more than a hubby. Do they offer those on

The Hussy Housewife said...

Catlady- You bring up a very good point. It would be easier to just bypass the Hubby and go straight for the Gubby, But who wo9uld support my habits and no nookie.

The Peach Tart said...

Being from Atlanta, I obviously can't wait to see the train wreck that is The Atlanta Housewives every week, although they don't even really live in Atlanta (about 25 miles out in the burbs) and are not like any housewives I know. With that being said, I can't not watch the show.

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Even though I'm a man, I really like the concept of a gubby (and the female counterpart, whatever you'd call that), but I'm afraid you'll never find one in the vast conservative wasteland that is Idaho. Not one who's willing to admit it and accompany you to Kohl's, anyway. People in Idaho own guns, and they're not afraid to use them.

Don said...

I was recently referred to as a "manbitch" by a female reader. Now I proudly describe myself as such. By the way, one of MY favorite words is 'kelp'. Boring? Nah, it's one of the very few words I can pronounce whilst wasted.

The Hussy Housewife said...

The Peach- Exactly..nicely stated, "you can't not watch the show"

MikeWJ- I am afraid you may be right..which saddens me. No worries..I will come up with a name for your female counterpart. You also should be able to have your butch lesbian to sit and drink beer and watch football with.

Don- That is a nice complement. I need one of those to. Are you willing to relocate?

Frippery said...

I have been MIA on blog reading!!! Too funny! I had a couple of gubbies when I was a hairdresser but once I had kids and stopped working they dispersed. I forgot how much I missed them til this post. My daughter, who is 18, was recently lamenting her lack of a gay male friend. I guess we both need one. A gubby and a Goyfriend...Um, maybe that's something else?

ettarose said...

I love, love love that show. I HATE Kim and love Neene. Dwight I would so definitely steal for my Gubby. Great word.

The Hussy Housewife said...

Frippery- Sorry to hear your Gubbies ran need to go get them back...maybe even share them?

Etta- Ohh...and fellow Atlanta Housewives addict..sweet. You can't steal Dwight..cause I am stealing him from Nene...she just doesn't know yet.

Me-Me King said...

I love, love, love all the Housewives shows - it's reality at its finest. My motto: Don't bother me on Thursday night!!!

The Hussy Housewife said...

Me-Me-king- You just gained even more cool points in my book. To bad we didn't live close enough to feast together on our guilty pleasure!

Jean said...

Hussy, I need Dwight and since we live .05 miles from each other we could share him, like every other day, what say you to that??

Scandalous Housewife said...

Awww, Hussy, my Gubby moved to LA, and I have been so lonely without him! All I have are my slutty friends, and I'm getting tired of saying, "Close your legs to married men", all NeNe-esque!

The Hussy Housewife said...

Jean- Hmmm..only if you make me Carmel popcorn. Deal?

Scandelous- ha! Yes. Well at lease to have lived to love and loose a gubby. I never have even had one!:(

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