Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Don't be a status update late, and social network short of crazy

To help feed any of your sensuous Hussy Housewife withdrawals you may be experience during this difficult time: My summer blog break. I have took it upon myself to force feed you some of my Twitterings the past few months..for those of you who are to ashamed to be associated with me for unknown reasons:

Those who aren't my Facebook friends or follow me on Twitter. The following is a sneak peak inside my head. I know..scary isn't it? Try to stay calm.

~Megan wants a millionaire: First Joe,the guys who doesn't know he really is gay,and now Ryan suspicious of murder= Hussy says Scandel-icious

~Hahaha!! This is for all my Google image thieves who try and steal my pictures I make on my blog. Go to my blog..and try to copy one of my images..I DARE ya!

~Is it just me, OR is Joe the trust fund baby on Megan wants a Millionaire so far into the closet..he is in Narina? The boy doesn't even know he don't like girls.

~Rewarded kids for completing swim lessons w/ Chocolate goodies and taking them out to their choice of lunch. Now why wasn't there someone waiting at my car w/ A Capt 'n' Coke and a People's magazine?

~To all the freaks at Walmart..just a warning: NOT ME. NOT TODAY. I knew there was a reason I hadn't been there in weeks...don't people work anymore?

~I would like to give a big shout out...and say thanks to Chloe for managing to completely dump 2 bowls of cereal yesterday morning, and Cormac for spilling his glass of milk this morning. Thanks for helping stimulate the dairy industry. Is 8am to early for a cocktail?

~Was in charge of registering my niece for jr high today. On the form it asks, "Is there any home situations or circumstances we should be aware of?" If my nice would have let me..I could have had a field day with that one..and my sister would have never talked to me again!

~Why do people look at me weird when I tell them my weenis is dry. Does anyone know how to fix this problem? It has been driving me nuts all summer! And.Yes..I have tried lotion.

~Weekend trips + fun = post trips chaos and clutter that I always get stuck cleaning up on Mondays.

~Reasons I gave for needing my girls weekend. That if I didn't, I would either end up on the 5 "O"clk news or in jail, and nobody wanted either.

~I am home. All safe and scarred. Chick's in the Stick's girls weekend was beyond a blast. I wish I tell you all the goods..but I signed a non-disclosure.

~My 3 weeks to order bridesmaid dress..has now gone to 1 day! I can't kill a muffin top in that time. What is this a shot gun wedding? She swears there is not a bun in the oven...but I may need her to pee on a stick to confirm this.

~My response to my parent/tot swimming lesson with my unenthusiastic 2 10/12ths yr old, "I shaved my legs for this?"

~Curse you Bejeweled Blitz..curse you! I knew I should have never clicked on you. It is like crack to a crackhead. But I wouldn't know.

~My lips the Pad Thai touches my lips. I waited all day for you.

~Thinking about finally starting to write the book I want to pen. These things I have learned need to be shared with the masses. A little Hussy education if you will.

~You wanna know what self control is? The fact that I went the WHOLE day w/out touching and fondling my Pad Thai leftovers from last night. I know. I know.

~Steven Colbert is wondering if under Obama's proposed health care plan..if Sober is gonna be considered a pre-existing condition? If so..I have a cure...I can be a government contractor.

~As far as the Beer Summit goes tonight at the white house..big deal. Obama once asked me over for a beer..I said thanks, but no thanks.

~Wondering why I am up so early. Did my husband fart to loud and unknowing wake me up? Who can say for sure, but I am up for some unknown reason,,,

~May be having a "Come to Jesus Meeting" w/ Chloe this afternoon.

~The good slacker news: I can go 3 weeks w/ out having to do my kids laundry. The bad slacker news: I have 3 weeks worth of laundry to do. Today is has been 3 weeks. I loose.

~Slowly my prayers are being answered...Crocs footwear are slowly being extinct. They laid off 1/3 of their workforce. Sorry for those of you that are NOT hospital staff that wear them. Just when you though the economic crisis was a bad thing ;)

~Pepsi KILLED Michael Jackson!! Who knew they were killers. I am gonna take my chance and still hang with the killers..but on on a sporadic basis..cause of the calories and sugar. Which coincidentally is also a killer...CRAP!

~All the words are gonna bleed from me, and I will think no more.

~This just in..beep..beep..beep: My neighbor just called and asked if it was OK for her and her husband to put me on as a beneficiary on their life insurance policy. No kidding. to make it look like a accident?

~Avocado egg rolls. Need I say more. ~shudder~

~Ok. Still on the fence for the 3rd child. Taking your suggestions. Also if hubby gets to buy ANOTHER Harley..what kind of commission should my uterus charge for this 9 months service?

~This just in: Hubby tells me we can have a 3rd child if he gets to buy another Harley.

~Thanks to Chloe,my whole house and myself smells like Old Spice deodorant and baking soda toothpaste. I now am off for the rest of the day for my unscheduled mental break down.


Don said...

Want to pen a book huh? Like penning with a pen? Somehow I picture you writing with a pencil that has no eraser.
Oh and sorry your kids are clumsy, your niece has problems at home that you know about, and your friend is pregnant-early.

Jormengrund said...

Heh.. Don thinks you write in pen..

That's kind of funny, really.

Everyone who's read your blog should know by now that you write in crayon!

Great post, and loved the short trip down memory lane with ya..

Hey! Have you been living my life, and not telling me about it?!?

Scandalous Housewife said...

I like what's going on in your warped brain. Ooops, did I type that warped part? Pot calling the kettle...

kathcom said...

I feel honored to be graced with your tweets. And you are so right that Pepsi killed Michael Jackson. I never had the brilliance to make that mental leap!

The Hussy Housewife said...

Don- I was thinking I need to be more Murder She Wrote-like..with a cool retro typewriter.

Jormengrund- about scent vodka markers instead?

Scandelous- And just when you thought you where alone is this world...then you find out I was that voice inside your head!

Kathcom- Thanks! You never Tweet...and Yes..I fear I now am being sued by Pepsi..just like the Cattle ranchers sued Oprah!!!

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