Monday, May 4, 2009

Back to the swine of things

I have been away..busy holding down the Hussy bunker..stockpiling on face masks and flasks. Ohh and hand sanitizer too..but only for it's high alcohol content. Did you know you can drink it and get drunk? Well the Hussy knows...and you can. We have cases of it in the bunker already. Gives you a clean drunk. Your vomit is germ-free!

Actually..Michael Jackson and I were in on this hysteria-fashion long before CNN. So I already had a bunch of face masks in my bunker ready for wear. This epidemic time I decided I needed a little more style when it came to my masks. No one wants to look ugly when they are shooting out both orifices. Fashion first, then the flu, then the spew.

So I have been busy working on my own high fashion face mask line. My inspiration for this line was "BAMF ninjas meet drunks- who meet happy hour." They will be available this coming flu season.

However...I am releasing a special line of Hussy Mask just for the Swine/H1N1 flu. For a limited time ONLY!!!Or for those who are more fashionable forward in their flu:Of course I have taken care of my cronies to. Dwight prefers the more high tech..extreme versions, but it doesn't interrupt his office work for me: Capt. LeatherFace just wanted a swine nose. He thinks the word swine stems from the word swig and wine, thus the mask must have a slit in it for him to drink his rum through. Dwight and Capt. LeatherFace have been hanging out in the ER waiting rooms for product testing purposes. I have even booked us a booze run down to Cabo for more testing...and it is a tax right off!!! I will let you all know how our trip goes.

I am sure we will be fine. This H1S1 pandemic is mostly hysteria. Over 36,000 people die a year just from the common flu. So we are always having a pandemics flu season. The young and old are always gonna be at risk. Flu's will always mutate, whether it be the Human version, the avian or the swine. I personally am in favor of wiping out all flu strands. I say nation wide..we all take a month long vacations. Stock up our homes with food..and take a month long sabbatical.

13 comments:

Da Old Man said...

Good to see you back. I was afraid you had turned into a zombie or something.

You're not a zombie, are you?

Lady Sarcasm said...

I missed you! Now mail me one of those masks.. of every kind you have. hehe

VE said...

You know...I think death is the real killer. Talk about a pandemic. Death eventually kills everyone!

C.B. Jones said...

I've give you a nickel for a box of 'em.

Quirkyloon said...

Oh yay! I'll take one each GF! We still keep missing each other at HBDC! But I'll keep waiting, hoping, for you to justify my love!

heh heh

The Queen said...

Oh yea you're back.. don't bother sending me any masks.. I'm good.. Many years ago i had the girl surgery.(you know, the one where they take out the crib and just leave the playpen) . but I never throw anything away, so I have boxes of unopened tampons and pads.. I think I can shove a tampon up each nostril..and tape a pad across my mouth.. and I'm good..

and they laugh at me when I horde things... dumb asses..

DouglasDyer said...

Rum slits? You freaking GENIUS!!! I have always asked myself how I could rob convenience stores while still getting my buzz on.

Mr. Condescending said...

I think im really gonna like this site. why is it that women always write the best blogs?

WhisperingWriter said...

Haha!!

I'll take that first mask. It's so me.

Then again, Dwight's mask looks pretty cool too.

Scandalous Housewife said...

Dammit, Hussy! Where the hell you been? And a little warning next time you plan on wearing the X-Ray glasses so I can plan on wearing my matching skivvies. These green booty panties with 'Bootalicious' written in chartreuse across my Scandy ass really don't match anything. sorry bout that

Chris said...

Yeah, but when you put a sinister moniker with a disease (SWINE flu, BLACK plague, CAT SCRATCH fever), it really raises the level of panic. Beware of the upcoming WOLVERINE rash or WOMBAT cough.

Swine flu, indeed.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I'm liking Capt. LeatherFace's mask idea. And I think he's right on the button with his word theory.

Vince said...

Wow! Where can I get one of those? Haha!