Monday, March 9, 2009

Hussy Update: When my life imitates my blog

HELLO!! I'm back Like Amy Whinehouse to the pubs in London!!
Whaaa? Can't I get a hoo haa? A..Ka-Kaw? A hooze cow?
Ummm, so you guys are just not talking to me now?
What? I am being shunned like Chris Brown?
No really..I am not taking these off. I look rough. Just look at me. To much Hussy fun going on these last 3 weeks. So I am gonna have to pull a Joaquin Phoenix on you. Yep, keeping the glasses on, and popping the bottle of crazy pills open. Oh..and move that beard of his a little more south. K...yep that's me.

Ok. Remember how I said I had excuses? How I just warned you about seeing my image appearing in a pancake or some sort of biological matter near you..and I then just left you on your own? To find your own little way in the economic crisis world? Well sorry. I do have more excuses than Oprah does on her weight gain.

I will state that I don't make up stories for my blog. Everything I blog about REALLY does happen to me. I am like Angela Lansbury from Murder She Wrote...every time I show know something is about to go down. So my life tends to imitate my blog. Thus leads me to take blog breaks to sort out in my head, WTFudge brownies just happened? SO without further ado, I give you my excuses. They are coming in maybe's, what if's, kinda's and sort of's.

What if I was busy being a well renowned music producer. "You get a couple George Washington's for your beats..I get a couple graaand." Yeah. That is right. I had some beats to put together. Hope you all enjoyed my BlogStar Video.

Maybe I was busy guest posting for a good cause? Saving the world one boobie at a time? Helping men all across America get their own piece of the stimulus package. Charity and service is my passion. SO back up off the Hussy. I got a humanitarian award in my apron pocket.

I sort of thought that with my "Hussy as the new image in your toast" guys thought that I had finally gone to far. Thus retaliating against me. HOW? I lost some followers --->> over there on the right. Yep, the numbers are down. That you had shunned me. Then I realized, nope. You are all still just as crazy and deranged as me, and still high on NyQuil too. It was just a Google mishap. They switched/upgraded their gadget. In the process..everyone lost followers. SO you may want to check and see if you jumped off the Hussy's shipwrecked pirate blog. You may be one of the lost boys now.

What' if I have been having to much fun playing with all my real life girlfriends and taking day trips. Like a few birthday party get-to-gethers, a VIP special invite girls night out, a 30th party, a karaoke performance by yours truly. One night which led the Hussy to the Impound Yard the next day. No worries, I was taking someone else to get their car. The suburban doesn't go out like that. Or shall I say, just doesn't get caught.

At one of these gatherings I was held hostage against my will to go watch a chick flick by several women. Hussy HATES chick flicks..or most movies in general. I was forced to watch "Confessions of a Shopaholic." I had a few tall ones, and all I heard was the last part -holic. I thought sweet, and movie after my own blood alcohol level. Turns out not so much. I will never be able to get those precious buzzed hours of my life back.

Maybe I got sucked into a few more Hussy clubs. A birthday club of about 14 great new girls. My last club broke up after some people moved away. So I had my first night out with some awesome ladies. Also my dear friends have sucked/talked me into starting, and hand selecting a new Bunco girls group. Even after I just officially became a Bunco retiree about a year ago. I let them do all the work, as you know Hussy doesn't do work. I just made a few stipulations. Some Hussy demands. My stipulations:
1. No high school drama type girls. You know the type.
2. No OCD freaks shows..or as I like to say frows. You know the ones.
3. No Martha Stewart wannabes. This is Bunco people. Not a wedding reception.

Needless to say, we had our first game...and it was so FAN-TAB! I LOVE my new group. A great bunch of chill, fun, crazy gals. (For anyone in my old Bunco group who read my blog..this in no way says anything about you guys. You guys rocked to!)

What if I have been on a 20 day cleanse? Just finished it yesterday. First 10 days was parasitic, last 10 were intestinal. I feel great, and am no longer full of shit. But my eyes are still brown. Go figure. This cleanse at times required I spend more time on the toilet than at the computer blogging to you all. You know, the tuck..tighten..and run maneuver. Sorry. My blog in the mean time went all to shit, down the toilet per say.

I sorta was busy planning and gathering my outfit for my 80's party we had last weekend. I might have requested a song to the DJ, commanded everyone's attention, and done a Hussy performance of "Bright Eyes." I also maybe ended up AGAIN naked, crying and laughing in my closet again. Blog post with pictures soon to come.

I kinda of have been busy writing a "About Me" and picking a picture of me...for the book that I will be published in. More details coming!! Yeah! Hussy is off to rehab print.

What if I was busy reading the warnings on the back of a glow stick tube. To see what you do when the toxic radio active fluid goes into your child's eyes?

I sorta was busy catching up on my reality TV trash...and enjoying the Bachelor drama as it unfolded. Even though I watched spoilers on it weeks prior.

Maybe I was occupied with getting the Suburban all new tires since my last minivan mishap. You know, when I blogged/took pictures of my hot Les Schwab boy in tight jeans, fixing my flat tires for all you ladies out there. After dropping about $1200 on tires..I might have had a clear moment in my Hussy medicated brain for 30 seconds. 30 seconds when I realized I just wasted $1200 dollars..since I already have 4 new tires for my suburban..sitting in my dad's shop. DOH!

You see? This is what I have to live through. This is just 10% of the stories. Tired of my excuses yet? Please forgive my absence. I am ready to get to blogging.......


Venom said...

...and it's about damn time too.

Scandalous Housewife said...

Hoo Haw, Holl-uh!

Shawn said...

Reading this post with the Growing Pains theme blasting from my speakers was a once in a lifetime experience. Thank you.

The Queen said...

Good cause I was going into DT shakes while you were gone...

dizzblnd said...

So glad you are back! I'll hollah atcha!

The Hussy Housewife said...

Venom- Well thanks. Wher my dam welcome back party? Booze? What the..

ScandHousewife- Hootin Tootin Wee Waa ho hum. Ohh and you are the first follower of my test blog to make it over here. You completed the scavenger will being getting something.

Shawn- LOL It is soooo wicked huh?? My fav is Growing Pains, Full House and Family Ties. Glad you enjoyed!!! Next time who know what you may hear??

Queen- Ohhh man that is bad. I am sorry. Please send me the bill and take these green pills I have.

Dizz- That's my girl!! Holla Holla Dolla Dolla Bill ya'll. Now put down the glass.

ettarose said...

You Hussy! I thought you had excuses. Bah, they don't count. The fact of the matter is you left us for REAL people. You were out partying and acting the fool and here we sit. Well, I forgive you (like you care) You were the inspiration for my Sunday Silliness today so there!

Dennis the Vizsla said...

Is it just me, or did he write those words on his hands in the wrong order? Or maybe he's saying, "Bye? Good!"

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

OK, OK, OK, I get it. You've been BUSY! Sheesh.

Glad you're back though.

And congrats on getting published, I am mucho jealous!

Blonde Goddess said...

Those glow stick tubes are bad ass! I used one once to ...ahem..."pleasure" myself and the damn thing busted.
They don't have anything in the warning section about that!

On the bright side of things, the power went out later that night and instead of walking around searching for flashlights and batteries and all that crap, all I had to do was lay on the floor with my legs spread open.

Lit up the entire block.

The Hussy Housewife said...

Etta- Yes I was out acting a fool. What can Hussy say? I was your muse??? The Hussy? Thanks!!It was great!! lol

Dennis-THAT is exactly what I thought! Whoooa, we may share the same brain? Should you be scared or should I?

Petra- Ok, OK, more excuses. I will promise to show up to work on time. Thanks for being jealous..that is the best feeling ever!! You prob have already been write for a living!

Blondgoddess- HOLY MEAT LOAF!! Sweet CREAMED CORN!! NOW that is a blog post. I am glad you where willing to let you va-jay-jay help others. What a giver you are!! Is you va-jay-jay now toxic and sprout arms and legs??

Connie said...

Okay, chick, another Idahoan here transplanted from Calif. Now, are you truly that nuts or just acting it out today?!?! Hmmmmmm??? Sometimes Idaho will do that to the sane people so I just gotta know which fence you're sittin' on, honey! help me laugh since there ain't much to laugh about in S. Idaho. Hah

Chat Blanc said...

lovin' that you're back!! btw, I thought that you would at least blog from the bathroom! :P

LadyShuttleMaker aka MadMadPotter said...

Hooz Cow??? I like it.
I've been in my own world lately, one in which I sleep all day and only get up to eat chocolate. We still don't know where we are going and that's the way I deal with the stress.
Just know that your cuz is still here.

The Hussy Housewife said...

Connie- Yeah!! Another I-da-ho!! Yes this state can make you crazy..just look at me. I am sitting on the fence that boarders between sane and whacked. You wanna come take a sit? Welcome!

Chat- If only i had wireless..I might have!! LOL! Glad you are back to.

Sherry- Dang it! That is crazy. I was wondering where you were since you vacation. I am still planning n seeing you next month?? We need to skype soon! Hang in there,Hussy's got some pills for ya if you need them!

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