Monday, February 9, 2009

ALL MY SINGLE LADIES! ALL MY SINGLE LADIES! I put this post up.

I did something selfless for you single ladies out there. For you ladies out there that are single and ready to dingle your girly bits out there for all to see. Those of you looking for a fresh pieces of meat to manipulate and torment. To bleed dry of all his financial funds like Bernard Madoff'. I, by no means, did this for myself...I am a happily married women. I needn't look far for my hunk of man meat. This was COMPLETELY for you girls, I in no way enjoyed any nanosecond of this. The Hussy only lives to serve you, and your naughty desires of male stalking. She does not do this for herself.

What did I do for you? I took some pictures for you of the male species. Yeah, you can thank me with a six pack of Coors Light later. (address to be given for these packages later at end of post)

To make a long story short, the Hussy was up to more of her shenanigan's again. This time I did some damage. After running over yet ANOTHER minivan, I escaped with no witness's and pulled into my driveway. After I got out, I first looked over my shoulder, then heard a very familer sound. Shhhhhhhshhhhshhh. Yes, I could hear my front driver side tire going flat. Right where I make contact with that minivans "My Honor student blah blah blah" sticker filled bumper.

Last time I got got a flat tire during on of "Jamie's Episodes", I showed you all how to change a flat tire. Sorry folks, not today. This time I was in town and had a much better view plan.

One may think, aww crap there goes my afternoon of reality TV watching. But I choose to see the glass as half full. The tire as half flat. The voices bells went off in my head. I guess I will need to call Les Schwab. Have nice young-strong man, wearing tight jeans come over to my house and bend over to fill my heart tire with air. The hubby was at work....so I diiiiidn't want to bother him. So I placed the call, got my camera, and stalked waited for my tire man to arrive.

Remember...I did this for you.

I told him I was taking pictures of the *cough* tire. I did get some real good stalker pictures from my front window, but the glare was to bad. Darn that sun! Sorry ladies, I did the best I can for you.

He was a nice young man in his early twenties I would say. I was chatting him up, (only for information for you single ladies), when my mojo was killed. He told me we had quite the elaborate fence and asked me who did it.

Me: *cough* My husband

I now fear suddenly all you single ladies will not not be swerving to miss running over the broken glass in the road.

22 comments:

kel said...

yuuummmmyy!!! I'm gonna go stab my tire with a steak knife... but watch, I'll get the big fat hairy guy with a mile of ass crack hanging out of his pants.

dizzblnd said...

how nice of you to think of the single girls. Alas I am not one of them. But I can look right??

The Queen said...

you made the twisted blogger news with this one.... ha ha..

Chat Blanc said...

you are selfless!!! I'll take one of those young things any day. who cares if I'm considered a single, pathetic cougar, I'm not one to turn down a charity dish of yummy. ;)

Frippery said...

Just cause we're not single doesn't mean we're dead. Very funny. BTW You sent me an e-mail about the MTK and I tried to e-mail back but I keep getting it returned. I'm sure double vision and the inability to see my keyboard have something to do with it. I am going to try again (unless you are purposely hiding) Tee Hee, Pam

The Hussy Housewife said...

Kel- Ohhh I hope you don't...crack is wack and hairy crack is scary. Just be very careful not ot cut yourself with the knife..esp. if you have Cutco:)

Dizzbld- Look away..Hussy won't tell anyone.

The Queen- THANKS!! So am I a twisted sister now??? But much cuter than the Snyder version...

Chat- I ♥ cougars. You just hit refresh on this page as long as you need too ;) No one will know except sitemeter.

Frippery- That is right!!! I invited you into the MTK. Feel free to grab our logo and put it on your blog and invite any ladies you want to join!! Just read some back post see what we have going on!!

Chica said...

Haha can't believe you actually did it, right on! My hubz was a "tire guy" once, he was hot in the uniform. :)

The Fit Dad said...

If I would've known this was all it took to land a lady, life would've been so much easier.

Adullamite said...

This is getting more like a woman's mag every day! Sexual harassment and abuse! Typical one track minds!

The Hussy Housewife said...

Chica- Ohhh was he? :) Did you have him save his uniform to put on for you when you need your tire changed?

Fit Dad- We like men in tight uniforms and who help fix stuff..very manly. You are sort of there...uniform of tight spandex and helping fix muffin tops!

Adullimite- What can we say..sometimes you got to take advantage of certain situations.

Jormengrund said...

The great lengths some ladies have to go to in order to sacrifice themselves fort eh betterment of their species just astounds me at times.

How do you manage to balance it all?

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

I am thanking you on behalf of the single ladies, but I am pretty sure they would say "why didn't you talk about how hot it was so he would take his shirt off?" or something like that...

The Hussy Housewife said...

Jormengrund- That is why I have Dwight my deranged Hussy Lobbyist. I make him do all my dirty work. That way I have more time to balance my leasure time.

Petra- Ohhh..Ohhh, I should have tweeted you first. You have the best ideas. But it is not hot this time of year in Northern Idaho..he may have seen through my glazed eyes??

dizzblnd said...

Hey you were featured like me on a gossip blog.. http://bloggienews249.blogspot.com/2009/02/mini-van-murdering-mom-kidnaps-hottie.html pretty funny stuff

risarooo said...

ooohhh that is AWESOME!! As a newly single mama, I appreciate the well begotten eye candy. You did good mama. Many many thanks to you!

You're blog rocks btw!

risarooo said...

ooohhh that is AWESOME!! As a newly single mama, I appreciate the well begotten eye candy. You did good mama. Many many thanks to you!

You're blog rocks btw!

I'd Rather Be Scrapping said...

Did you do this just for me? Ah thanks... I love it when those Les Schwab boys come to save the day.

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Anonymous said...

ha, I will experiment my thought, your post get me some good ideas, it's really awesome, thanks.

- Mark

Anonymous said...

I am doing research for my university paper, thanks for your brilliant points, now I am acting on a sudden impulse.

- Lora

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