Friday, October 31, 2008

Friday Fright Facts

1. PEZ was invented in Austria by a man named Edward Haasand. He named PEZ after the German world "peppermint." It was an adult breath mint that he decided to market as an alternative for smoking. In 1952 PEZ wanted to expand their sales, so they set their sights on the U.S.A. To make their product more appealing to Americans, they placed heads on the dispensers and marketed it for children.
2. The melting point of cocoa butter is just below the human body temperature -- which is why it literally melts in your mouth.
3. Candy Corn was invented in 1880 by George Renninger of the Wunderlee Candy Co. The three colors of the candy are meant to mimic corn. Each piece is approximately the size of a whole kernel of corn, as if it fell off a ripe or dried ear of corn. The secret ingredient is marshmallows..that is what makes them so soft! It remains one of the best selling Halloween candies of all times.
4. Candy was used as an offering to the gods of ancient Egypt. Honey was used as the sweetener until the introduction of sugar in medieval Europe. Among the oldest types of candies are licorice and ginger from the Far East and marzipan from Europe. Candy making did not begin on a large scale until the early 19th century, when with the development of special candy making machinery it became a British specialty. In the United States the candy industry began to grow rapidly during the mid-19th century with the invention of improved machinery and a cheaper process for powdering sugar. In 1911 the first candy bars were sold in baseball parks; by 1960 candy bars made up almost half of all U.S. candy production.
5. Chewing Gum became an important part of American culture and is often associated with being the catalyst behind the vending business. Early chewing gums were a challenge as they were hard to chew and the flavor, if any, lasted a very short time.
6. Circus peanuts date to the 1800s when they were a seasonal treat and one of the original penny candies. No one knows how circus peanuts got their shape and name or how they long they've been around. One theory is that they originated with the traveling circuses where vendors sold salted peanuts and candy. Spangler Candy Co., is one of the few remaining makers of circus peanuts. People can't wrap their brains around circus peanuts, because they are orange and look like peanuts, they taste like banana. And they are chewier than a traditional marshmallow. Even those who like circus peanuts can't agree whether they are better soft and fresh or stale and hard after sitting out for a week.
7. Flashback of the Candy from the 1980's: 1980's - Atomic Fire Balls, Bit-o-Honey, Bubblicious Radical Red, Candy Necklace, Candy Cigarettes, Charleston Chew Chocolate, Lemonheads, Wonka Tart ‘n Tiny, Bubble Gum Cigarettes, Pixy Stix, Ass’t Saf’T’Pops, Jawbusters, Now & Later-Grape, Now & Later, Wax Fangs, Wax Bottles, Clark Bar, Laffy Taffy Watermelon, Bottlecaps, Zours, Astro Pops & Cinnamon Toothpicks.
8. OK,OK I will give some of you hippi's the candy form the 1970's: Rocky Road Milk Chocolate Bar, Clark Bar, Pixy Stix, Tart 'N Tiny, Gold Rock Nugget Bubble Gum, Goobers, Bubble Gum Cigar, Charms Assorted Squares, Lik-M-Aid Fun Dip, Bubble Gum Cigarettes, Wonka Strawberry/Banana Laffy Taffy, Slo-Poke Jr. Suckers, C. Howard Lemon Mints, Boston Beans, Cherryheads, Red Licorice Pipes, Willy Wonka Chocolate Bar, Necco Chocolate Wafers, Sugar Lips Wax Chewing Gum, Double Bubble Bubble Gum, Candy Buttons, Caramel Bun Bar, Charms Sweet & Sour Pops, Razzles Candy/Gum, Nestle's Oh Henry Candy Bar, Wonka Bottlecaps, Teaberry Gum, Strawberry Pop Rocks, Sen-Sen Breath Refreshments, Zotz Candy, Reeds Rootbeer Candies, and Nik-L-Nip Wax Bottles.
9. Halloween is the holiday with the highest candy sales, followed by Easter, Christmas and Valentine's Day.
10. Candy is made simply by dissolving sugar in water. The different heating levels determine the types of candy: Hot temperatures make hard candy, medium heat will make soft candy and cool temperatures make chewy candy.


Thursday, October 30, 2008

I would like to take a moment...

to thank that old Betty in my spin class that not only inspired my 4 part series on "That's my bike bee-och!", but helped me achieve dropping a pant size. Yes, because of you stealing my bike..forcing me into the nose bleed section...causing me to work harder to burn off my rising internal steam..causing my biscuits to burn. This biscuit burning resulted in my pants falling off! Not only would I like to thank you, but also my husband and neighbors. Neighbors? While carrying a laundry basket by my front window...down they go. Pants at my feet.."Howdy creepy poltergeist neighbor!" In my driveway getting my kids out of their car seats...down they go again. "Howdy junk-mailman!" That is how you earn the Hussy reputation!

Sally: "Did you hear?'
Sue: "No, what?
Sally: "About the Hussy Housewife?" "Every time a guy comes around, she drops her drawers!"
Sue: "NO!" "What a Hussy!"
Sally: "Yeah, I told Frank he is not allowed to drive down her street anymore."
Sue: "Really?" "I am going to go call Bill and tell him that to."

Now before you go hop in your car to drive by and see this freak show...I already bought new pants. Streaking problem solved...well at least in front of strangers. Now if you will excuse me. I must go finish putting the finishing touches on my Halloween costume that I have decide to try out tomorrow morning on Friday morning spin class. Just to get their reaction before the big fright night. I want to see if I can make them choke on their protein shakes!! Ohh, how rude of me to not let you in on the gag..I am going as a 80's Jazzercise aerobic instructor. When I show up to class..people are gonna drop their morning Mr. Hankey on the floor. Now excuse me as I go squeeze into my unitard...should I go with sweat bands or a banana clip?

Here is my inspiration/hero: HOTDOG!

So I am gonna find my boogie body tomorrow. The hussy will...FIND it, FEEL it, DO it....ohhh god YEAH! I'm gonna be DANCING..PRANCING!!! I'm gonna have a mighty fine good time. The Hussy says, "Get loose for heavens sake!" "Don't you know how to get loose by now?" "I should think you would after reading my blog long enough." Come on...everyone has got a little soul in their hips.

I am the Hussy Housewife, and I approve this message.

If you think I deserve the here to vote for me to win the Humor Blogger of the year award. Voting ends December 31st!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

How a Housewife puts lipstick on a pig

You all know that politicians are not the only ones who love putting lipstick on pigs (PLOP). As a matter of fact, they didn't even invent the idea. Women invented this idea before politicians could even wrap their sweet-pea-sized-brain around the concept. In which case, when they did, it was Mr. Shady's Politician's wife that gave him the idea back in the 1700's. Yes, she was forced to break the Housewife's Code of Ethics by divulging one of our long kept strategic tactics to the opposite sex. One late night, after her husbands endless talk of his campaign and two-bit, pea-brained opponents, she caved. Thus began politicians putting lipstick on a pigs all across the land. Of course they borrowed the lipstick from us! What man back then could carry lipstick around in public with out being jailed?

In order to set the record straight, and correct the history books I must let in you in this secret: Housewife's all across the land have been applying this method on their husbands, bosses, children, in-laws, and other poor unsuspecting men for centuries. Still the politicians have taken the credit for inventing this lipstick applying thus far. Us housewives are fine with it..we don't want anyone finding out about our long held secret weapon. We all put on lipstick every day (sometimes several times a day), and pantyhose/Spanx one leg at a time.

This post is designed to help all you housewife's/SAHDads with the art of PLOP. These "bait and switch" tactics will help you in the area of increasing your maximum time spent slacking. So you can get to more important things like blogging, shopping, lunching with friends, watching soaps, massages, video games..etc. Whatever your vice may be. I don't judge, at least not to your face. I just will gossip behind your back to all the other housewife's/SAHDads. Remember don't judge all do it too!

What is/does "bait and switch" mean.
Bait- Make yourself look better, skinnier, smarter, prettier, bigger breasted, larger package than you really are/have to attract the opposite sex.
Switch- Once the ring is on the finger...he/she wakes up next to someone who switched back to their true identity. Then it is to late! Well unless you hire a attorney.

So PAY ATTENTION my fellow housewife's/house dads..your first lesson is coming up. We will start out slow with the basics. I don't want to throw to much your way when I can clearly tell your eyes are glazed over. So go tie up the kids real quick...throw them a few fruit snacks/juice boxes, and put on a video..time to get to studying!

to be continued..........

I am the Hussy Housewife, and I approve this message.

Monday, October 27, 2008

The Sex Talk with Lucy, Part 2: The Mac's and the PC's:

Go here for the first sex talk Part: 1. To find out how my computer Lucy (loose-ey) got herself in this mess go here. Trust me, you don't want this to happen to your computer. Educate them on how to use virus protection, and how to put up their firewall against those bad boys. Believe me, this hussy did not boot Lucy up like this I just beware what can happen when you don't have parental controls installed. This being said, it is time for the second part of my mother-daughter talk with Lucy about the birds and the bees the Mac's and the PC's.

Me: (knot still in stomach) So tell me who/how this program got installed.

Lucy: started out innocent at first. He just started giving me cookies every time I was online.

Me: So you accepted his cookies! How many bytes did you take?

Lucy: Well, I am not sure...I have no more memory of it because you used up most of my free space for your blog images. Plus he also gave me some Apple Martini's.......

Me: Oh he is a APPLE!! A Mac-daddy? Didn't I tell you the story of Apple & Steve?

Lucy: No, is it the Wikipedia one? This is all my default.....

Me: I mean...everyone knows that you can't take a bite of the Apple! It is the forbidden fruits for a PC. Didn't your alert box pop up?

Lucy: Yes it did but I just hit ignore..because he then instant messaged my inbox to see if I wanted to watch a DVD at his place.

Me: WHAT! What was it rated? +R or +RW?

Lucy: I am not was something about all the reason why Mac's are better that PC's..more user friendly.

Me: Well..I have a modem command prompt for his book. I better not find his URL on your clipboard or desktop.

Lucy: But, mom..I can't even....

Me: Nope! You get to your hard drive and clean your control panel right now missy! What is his parents domain name? I am going to make sure you guys never get all GOOGLED again.

Lucy: Mom, I NEVER let him touch my keyboard or mouse!

Me: But you were caught with your firewall down! I don't care...remember missy...I can Ctrl+Alt+Del you anytime! Get to your hard drive!

Friday, October 24, 2008

The last cat walk..the final goodbye,Cormac and Chloe style

You didn't think I would let my kids go out like that, did you? That is not how they roll. Cormac and Chloe are sashaying down the black carpet one last time. They wanted to make a grand exit. They weren't going to leave without making it known who really used to run the show around here this last year, before the Hussy came in and spread her love everywhere. I had many friends tell me they missed seeing pictures of the kids on here, and their stories. So I will post the funny stuff here once in a while, and the day to day drama stuff over at Laybourn Life. So copy the link if you want to keep up with "Adventures of Cormac and Chloe" and their shenanigans.

Also...I fixed my email on the side for WWJamieD? I had it wrong..oops. So now you can email away! I promise this will be the last day of hussy procrastination...I swear..I will make that hussy get out of bed Monday and get back to work around here. I figure I can bribe her with some cheap booze and chocolates.

So here are the kids 2008 photo shoot. I still haven't edited them all yet..but wanted them to go out with a smile. I still have to edit the lighting and tone on some..but you will get the idea. If anyone knows a good agent...they are for hire. They can pose like the best of them. I get lots of people tell me I should model I may send some of these pictures out to someonce. Anyone know anyone? we go...Que the music!

First up we have Cormac, he is a 4 year old with a great smile. He is wearing clothes picked out by his lovely mother who doubles as his stylist. He loves preschool, tattoos and wants a "sleeve" like Grant. He also has several alter egos like his mom..his favorite being a Robot we call "Ro-Mac" He also wants to grow up to support his parents.Next up we have Miss Chloe, she is a 2 year old with her own attitude. She knows what she wants, and will try to get it by all means necessary. She loves Pooh and candy. Is a true tomboy, and refuses to wear a dress...or let me put anything in her hair. Favorite pass time is writing on herself, and driving mommy to drink. Cheers!So say goodbye to this troublesome two, they had a good run here..but it is time for them to move on.
October 2007 to October 2008

Friday Facts

Yes Tommy it will. Don't think just because you got last Friday off..that you don't have to study for this weeks Friday Facts. I see your future in Congress working for the government with that kind of work ethic. I will be doing a pop quiz at my own convenience. Now sit up straight, and pay attention or you get the hose again!

1. A common housefly's lifespan is about 2 weeks.
2. World's largest toy company: Hasbro. Second largest: Mattel.
3. U.S. city with the most skyscrapers: New York with 130. Chicago is second with 53.
4. The five most popular garden veggies: Tomatoes, peppers, onions, cucumbers, and beans.
5. Americans but 129 million eggs per week on average...and 206 million the week before Easter.
6. Top six juices in the U.S.: orange, apple, blends, grape, grapefruit, prune.
7. On Mother's day's, Americans spend $329 million per year on candy, and $75 million on phone calls.
8. In 1800, there were 1 billion people on Earth. Now there are more than 5 billion.
9. The Boston pub that inspired "Cheers" TV show served 1,484 beers a day.
10. A handful of countries have been kicked out of the U.N., but only Switzerland refuses to join.

I am the Hussy Housewife, and I don't approve this message.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Gin in My Apron Pocket: Procrastination at it's best....

That is what has been going on around here. I can't get that hussy to work for nothing. I still have so much work to get done around here, and all she wants to do is pluck her eyebrows, and powder her bum. I have over 24 posts still in draft that need posted, I have been tagged by my trailer park trash friend Eve (don't worry she likes it when you talk to her like that) that I need to finish. I still need to tell you all about me turning the big 3-0! I also have been putting off finishing my sex talk with my computer Lucy (Loose-ey) due to the fact that is is just a uncomfortable situation. I forgot to link you all to my other blog "Laybourn Life" where you need to go right now to get your invitation for this weekends extravaganza! I have been meaning to get back into my side business venture..and finish the website. I need a graphic designer!!! I am also opening a Hussy Housewife store...soon to come. You will all love the things that she has to say.☺ Coming up soon, I will also be having a talk with Dwight about his latest insubordinate spin room antics. However, I will not be to hard on him...may just take his board game RISK away for a week. I am back to spinning the show again. I know, I know Yada..yada..yada..just shut up. Ok, fine. I will just get to my tag..where I am supposed to tell you all 7 things you don't know about me. How am I supposed to know what the drunk Hussy has let slip out of her mouth already?

1. I am a tomboy, and I wear no makeup, or own any hair products. I grew up in Alaska where I would climb trees all day, fly to great fishing spots, and play in the snow. One day a friend and I were climbing trees. We then proceeded to get treed for several hours by a moose. While we where hanging out at the top of a tree, a moose came along. He wanted us to feed him, but we had no food. So we had a stand off for a long while until he finally decided to leave us alone. Moose=0 Jamie=1

2. Speaking of trees, I once got sick of 2 neighborhood boys fighting over who was going to date me. I wasn't interested in either one, but I still decided to have a little fun with them. So I lied through my teeth and told them they would have to compete for my affection. I decided they would have to have a tree climbing contest. Who ever climbed to the top of this Lodge pole pine the fastest would win my affection. I then watched as watch as each boy climbed their hardest..then I couldn't declare a winner and made them climb again...and again..and again. Once I got board of this game..I left them both there to play GI Joe with each other. (I know, how hussy of me..I do feel bad and would like to take this moment to apologize.) Silly boys=0, Jamie=2

3. I can cross country ski, down hill ski, and snowboard. I prefer the later, and have been snowboarding for 13+ years. I have only attempted killing myself at this 10 or so times. My latest episode would be this January when at speeds of <50mph I partly dislocated my left shoulder and tore the cartilage in my top 3 ribs. I am frothing at the mouth as we speak..waiting to hear that my great state of Idaho has been blanketed with enough fresh powder to open up the ski hills.....see ya at the hospital:) Mountain=1, Jamie=2

4. I do have third degrees burns all over my right leg. My left leg has scars from all the skin grafts done. At the age of 1.4 years my leg caught on fire and I was helicoptered to the Seattle Burn Center. I still remember the helicopter ride and being at the burn center. I definitely gained a stronger character from this experience. Maybe one day I will blog about this story. Fire=1, Jamie=1

5. I have a really bizarre thing that I can tend to do from time to time, which usually is alcohol induced. I have a habit of laughing soooo hard for a few minutes. Where I can't stop..and the more I try, the worse it gets. One of these episodes always ends up with me laughing so hard I start to cry. Then I cry and cry for no reason...and can't stop. This happen recently a few months ago after a dear friends wedding, where I end up naked in my closet crying. Alcohol=2, Jamie=0

6. I have a Bachelor's of Science, and specialized in fisheries and wildlife..along with geology. After graduating and working on many awesome projects for the government....I retired with the birth of my son Cormac. However, my first love was always medicine. I was going to go into medical school and become a second generation Doctor in my family. I can still apply to medical school, and may do so after my kids get a little older. Who knows, I may need my brain stimulated again. What? Who doesn't want a Hussy Doctor? Kids=2, Jamie=0

7. I have a very high pain tolerance (may have something to do with having your leg catch on fire at 1 year old.) I have had 2 c-sections, and was up and walking around the next day trying to get out of the hospital. I had every nurse asking my husband and re-checking their chart to see if I had a natural child birth. I refused all pain meds, pain meds have no effect on me nor do they made me tired. I don't even take ibuprofen or aspirin. So I have a hard time with people who are wussies and wine when they stub a toe. I need to work on my "sensitivity" factor. Pain=0, Jamie=2

I am the Hussy Housewife, and I approve this message

Monday, October 20, 2008

As the seasons do things around here.

So things are changing around this here blog of mine. My alter ego, "The Hussy Housewife" is taking over this blog. She is spreading her laughing STD disease throughout the land. Faster than interest rates are rising. She also is helping all you adults out their with your behavioral passing out pills and booze like they are fruit snacks. All the while myself, "Jamie" have had to recreate the The Three Wise Monkeys, "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" with my children here on this blog. I don't want any instances of hussy monkey see, hussy monkey do happening. Not to mention getting a all expenses paid, round trip to Hollywood for at taping of Dr. Phil in 12+ years. Not because I am afraid of the baggage that may come out, but I just wouldn't want to look 10 pounds heavier on T.V.

So I had to cover their eyes, mouth, and ears. I then desperately relocated them in the middle of the night to my family blog. All with the help from the government since they are still in the witness protection program. I then prayed that the hussy didn't get to them yet. So they are now safe from her madness. For all of you complaining about not seeing their pretty blue eyes and tow heads around here..that is were they have been. I have lots to update you all on (their recent photo shoot), and I will continue there rascally tales and wayward adventures over at the safe-haven/bomb shelter I have built for us. If that doesn't keep the Hussy out..I will have to sedate her. I am sorry, but a mother has to protect her kids from her alter egos. So that is where they have been. Some of you may have noticed..and some not. The ones who didn't notice anything may want to apply for handicapped parking may not be the smartest peanut in the turd. The others, you are very observant and will all be receiving a complementary Hussy Housewife apron.

I am the Hussy Housewife, and I do not aprrove this message.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Part 4: I'll Pee on my Bike and tell you it is raining...

and that you may want to take off your rain bonnet, rubbers, and stay in bed today. I wouldn't want you out there hydroplaning and getting hurt! Just pull your handmade afghan up over your neatly rolled haired, and go back to bed. You don't want catch a cold and miss your church was your turn to bring the meatloaf and green beans.

Yep, not only do I have a internal hook-ups and plenty of friends at the gym, I further peed my point. I did hike my leg on my bike to make sure everyone knew this is my bike Bee-oches! I also drink protein shakes and taking lots of lets just wasn't going to go unnoticed. What? Don't look at me like that! After having to implement 3 different plans..I wasn't gonna mess around anymore. Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 have been getting in the way of my quality of workout. I needed this madness to end. So last time I negotiated for the Deed to the bike. Lets just say she can't beat the owner of the gym and the instructor to class..they open the doors. So my bike is conveniently saved for me right after the gym opens. So I was eager to see how my new real estate deal was going to workout come Monday morning.

So Monday morning I arrive with the deed in hand at my own leisure. No more hurrying up and leaving early to get my bike. That is for people without the proper hook-ups. As I do my victory strut to class, I see her out on the floor lifting weights. What? Is she trying to beef up her peach pit guns to get my bike? Doesn't she know my avocado sized guns have already pitted many peaches? Just try it. I hope she has been taking calcium supplements. She can't afford to break another hip. I just figured that she knew what was good for her, and I had scared her outta class. GAME OVER!

I walk in, and sure enough my Park Place had been saved, and was waiting for my sweet cheeks. I then glance to Boardwalk for my buddy, and I see that there is someone else's stuff on her bike. Whoa...this women has got some big depends on!! Sure enough, she walks in and sits on Boardwalk. I smile, and decide to let that cat fight play out on its own. Not my battle..I won my battle. So I decide to enjoy this. I even helped her adjust her bike. A good housewife know that you keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer. Then I am confirmed that she knows how the game around here works. She tells me that my Boardwalk buddy is out of town for this week and she is gonna borrow her bike. I smile. while thinking to myself, "Remember to remind my buddy to pee on her bike when she gets back."

Just when I was basking in my wonderful view from my real estate..the whole class is in a uproar! Not only do us OG's have specific places we all sit, but we also have a specific bike number we like in our spots. My first thought is, "Oh She-ot..DWIGHT!" I had spoken with Dwight about Plan D in case part 3 did not work....while I can't give you specifics of the plan (in case I may have him implement it in the future) it did involve creating a major disruption in class..spin bike musical chairs of sorts. Then my secret alliance spin instructor informs us all that over the weekend they took all the bikes out and cleaned them and the floors. Whewwww..I am off the hook. People where going stir crazy..moving all over trying to find they bike number..but I have a clear I sit on Park Place with my bike #20.

Then I get home and I am looking through my pictures on my camera and I scroll across these:What? Dwight is on my Park Place looking rather suspicious. I told him not to do anything! We may never now the truth.......

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Happy! Happy! See me Blog and run! Happy! Happy!

I am still blogg hosting over at "Soccer Mom Files" today. You can go over there to Dysfunction Junction and ride the ADD express with us. We are self medicating ourselves to ease the pain of the uncertain economic times we are facing. But I want you to watch this video and dance to it. It always puts a smile on my face..and yours to I hope! It also does a good job depicting how our economy went from sad..and on our way to happy! Watch closely. After all, most Americans are just money monsters anyway.

Monday, October 13, 2008

I am currently out of the office this week......

Harassing other poor Innocent bloggers. So where is this hose at? I am over guest blogging this week at "The Soccer Mom Files." So go over there today to find out your today's assignment! Don't make me beat you with my hose. No need to self medicate yourselves, I still will be blogging here this week..I still have to update you all on Part 4 of Operation "That's my bike Bee-Och." I know you all have been DYING to know what happen come last Monday morning. If you are new here...and you need to get caught up please read:
Part 1: "Move your Tw*t, loose your spot" then
Part 2: "Mess with my girl..I put you up in my grill!" and finally
Part 3: "I get my bike with a little help from my friends."

You will need to be caught up with my antics for tomorrow! See you at the county jail!!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

They Threw Awards at my Feet, and I said Sweet!

Over the last few months I have received some nice awards, some reviews of my blog, and few shout-outs from some other great bloggers in the land of blog-o-sphere. I would just like to take this post to truly thank them all for their kind awards, thoughts, booze, and medication they have given me. Although the later two have not helped me, I am still crazy as ever. In less than a month I will officially have my first year blogging anniversary...and have come a long way. It started out as therapy for me when my first born dog, Blitz died. I wanted to document his life with us, remember everything I loved about him. He was a great backpacking dog. So I posted about his life with us:

Then it just took off from there..and it has been a fun experience. I have met a lot of great funny people through blogging. So without further ado..the awards..please.

At first, all the awards and reviews I got were from men..hmmm..I just thought that my milkshake brought all the boys to my yard my blogging brought all the boys to my blog. First award ever received was from Dad the Dude:He then gave me this nice review, "It's a smooth ride with plenty of cup holders. Visit this blog today or go to bed with that "I forgot to do something today" feeling. LMAO!"

This Dude is super funny, cool, and very polite. He always remembers to ask me if I need another cold one when he gets up to grab himself one! Pure Texan Manners. Go check him out, he has a great: "Caption this" series. Which I have failed to win yet, but me and him will talk about that later. He apparently hasn't heard what happen to the last person who crossed me. Two words for you Dude..Spin Bike. I will expect to win next time now.

Next blog love came from Don at "It's a Funny Thing" Here is the brilliance that came out of his head, "I ran across a really good humor blog the other night. It's called "My Suburban can run over your Minivan....and will". At first you will think it's just another Mommy Blog. But look deeper. Can't you just sense the underlying madness? I can. And It's funny too. Give it a try. Another fine humor blogger from Idaho."

He then gave me my first review on BC, "You can't go wrong here. Not a mommy blog. Or maybe so, but on mescaline. I highly recommend this one. And I rated her first. Sweeeeet!"

That is right, he is my Idaho home slice. Idaho makes some good bloggers. Check out his blog, he is very clever, witty, and will make you laugh your kilt off!

Next up we have Fly at "After Dinner Mint" had this to me, "Jamie will run over your mini van with her Suburban. Don't tempt her. She is a bad ass in your face blogger with her opinion and the way she expresses herself. Its fun and hilarious to read her thoughts. They are always off the wall and it never bores. She has a wide collection of theme songs in a music player, go and check 'em out." Then he awarded me this:

Also, since his is sooo FLY, he also gives you a song that captures the blogger and their blog. The Fly said, "So, since I think you know how to enjoy a good jam and probably like some head bobbing music I'm giving you this tune. Its a remix of two songs, I think it reflects you being a mix of a bad ass and a mom." So here is my song that he dedicated to me:

I have never heard this song before..I recognized Snoop Dog though ☺ Thanks Fly for letting me shake my booty! Go check his blog out..he is not afraid to speak his mind, or speak about taboo topics either. It is good therapy to hear the truth that so many do not speak. You will never know what will Buzz out of his brain next!

See..all boys so far. Then along comes Angie at "A Cup of Snarky" A girl!! She gave me this elegant award:

She is my evil twin sister, and loves me for how crazy I am. It is hard to find friends who appreciate me and all the voices in my head, but she does. Mainly because she has the same voices too. So if you like my twisted mind..check out her blog...she is just as twisted!

Also a big thanks to all who have Stumbled me and even wrote a review:

Bill at "I Animate You" gave me a nice review, "I would not like to bump into this blogger on a dark night while driving a minivan, but she sure is funny!" I assured him I was harmless, well maybe☺ Go to his blog, he does great animations with his funny blogs. Great combo! They are entertaining. Heh, is a pic for you to animate for your Halloween collection:And last, but not least funniest..we have ChatBlanc at "Wits Bitch" she had this to say about my blog, "A playground of funny stuff. I thoroughly enjoy her irreverence!" Thanks Chat! Even though I am allergic to cats..I still love you:) Go visit her blog, it is fun to see her funny thoughts and silly ways!

Thanks all you guys..I am working on my own personal Jamie award..and will be sharing this with you all soon! I will be making a trophy case, and placing these awards in it.

Note: Awards and bloggers listed in order that awards were received and not in a ranking order!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Friday Facts

1. It took 1,700 years to complete the Great Wall of China.
2. The first all-talking movie was called "The lights of New York."
3. Q. What was the name of the Wright Brothers' first plane? A. The Bird of Prey.
4. Dieter's nightmare The baby blue whale gains 10lbs. per hour.
5. Edgar Allen Poe's "The Murder in the Rue Morgue" was the first detective story ever written.
6. The first hot airplane meals were served on a Pan Am flight in 1935.
7. First words typed on a "practical" typewriter: "C. LATHAM SHOLES, SEPTEMBER 1867."
8. Some names rejected for Disney's seven dwarfs: Gaspy, Doleful, Awful, Gabby, and Helpful.
9. Number, in feet, of a Slinky if stretched out flat: 87.
10. At any one time, there are 1,800 thunderstorms taking place somewhere in the world.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Part 2: Growing up in the 80's

I hope you didn't get side tracked from the previous post's picture of my "Booby-Traps" as Data would say. See, Dani..I told you! No membership for me in the IBTC. You all were supposed to be reading what my shirt says..sham on you! Well I am sure that got you to visit my blog..even leave me a are those REAL? The answer is yes. Now where was I? Ohhh, the 80's....

The Cartoons

Our cartoons were created by the "politically incorrect" generations of the 40's and 50's and old retired stoner hippies from the 60's and 70's with one to many acid trips. What a great combo I say. Our generation got all the benefit without doing the jail time or loosing all the brain cells! So our cartoons ranged from peace pipe smoking Indians lighting up with Tom and Jerry in a The Smurfs that lived in "Mushroom" houses. Scooby Doo, with Shaggy and Scooby having the "munchies" resulting in their constant search for food to eat..mixed in with their constant paranoia of ghosts. Here is a example of what are parents generation off cartoons passed down to us:

"Heh, Tommy....go get mommies smokes and lighter, and light it up for me this time!" It is a passing of a era when it was ok to have children's cartoons slinging tobacco. Fred's got bills to pay. Those stones house ain't cheap. I would love to see Spongebob or The Wonder Pets slinging some Zoloft or liquor! Any of you miss out on this "1980's Saturday Morning Cartoon Extravaganza?" Or are you just a old 80's child in search of a fix? Some good politically incorrect..magical Gummy Berry Juice high? Well I am here to help:
Do any of you have this channel? It rocks. We are hooked at my house. The Cartoon Network made a whole other channels to house all the old school cartoons from the good old days of our parents youth, as well as our 80's childhood. The Boomerang channel can keep you entertained for days, and bring back good memories. Grab some Tang and Capatin Crunch and sit down and enjoy. What is playing? Just to name a few: Flintstones, Huckle Berry hound, Wacky Races, Snorkes, Smurfs, Jetson's, Tom and Jerry, Captain Caveman (you have to say it in his voice: caaaaaaptain caaaavaman. Don't act like you just didn't) Quick Draw Mcgraw, Yogi Bear, and Scooby doo. They even have all the old Warner Bros and MGM cartoons (Barney Bear) which are way cool. I don't know about you guys, but it is nice to not have to watch all these stupid cartoons (Spongebob Squarepants aside) they have these days that are all business with no pleasure. You understand? Like what happened to watching cartoons for entertainment, not trying to shove ABCD, 1234, Spanish, every animal in the animal kingdom down their throat? I for one, prefer the following subjects as great teaching tools for our young:

The Flintstones: Where else can our young learn about a crazy dad who works all day, and comes expecting to be waited on hand and foot with a hot meal on the table? Yell at their wives about "everything"....Wiiiilma! On the Flintstones Christmas special last year we learned that, "No one should have to spend Christmas in jail." Darn right! Who cares what the Spanish name for apple is.
The smurfs: Baby smurf, Brainy, Cook smurf, Farmer smurf, Greedy, Handy, Harmony, Hefty, Jokey, Lazy smurf, Papa smurf, Poet smurf, Smurfette, and Vanity. You gotta love the pimp....papa smurf. Who was baby's smurfs daddy? They need to bring all the smurfs and Smurfette on the Maury show. What is up with only one girl around all those men? Tom and Jerry: Nothing like watching a cat trying to commit first degree murder by way of cannibalism on an mouse who is trying to commit involuntary manslaughter by way of self defense. What's a little pipe smoking, first degree murder, and a cigarette smoking, male schovenistic pig gonna hurt my kids. I turned out OK, right?

The Shows

I LOVED all the shows we had growing up. On my blog, my playlist is complied of a 100 different theme songs. Most are from my childhood..either favorite movie, sitcom, or cartoon. While you read this next topic, you should go hit play for a little background music. Go ahead and take yourself back down memory lane. Grab your Lik-A-Maid candy, turn it on and enjoy a walk down memory lane. Don't look at what the theme title is......can you guess what it is from??? Can you? Can you? Fell free to tell me your favorites and why. Here are some that stand out to me:
1. Unsolved Mysteries- This one is not my favorite, but scares me the most. To this day every time I listen to this theme song...I get goose bumps. That show scared the crap out of me..yet drew me in to where I couldn't stop watching. Always made you draw up the covers. Robert Stack and his trench coat. Him and his voice appearing out of the fog! SPOOKY!! Those Wednesday nights always resulted in nightmares. Still couldn't stop watching it though. Not good for me as a young child who lived in Alaska. In the winter months we only had a few hours of daylight in the afternoon. So I went to school in the dark, and came home in the dark. I really did have to walk give ore take a mile, in 3+ feet of snow in the dark. All the while thinking about that crap I saw on Unsolved Mysteries the night before. I was just waiting for the UFO to land and take me away, or the serial killer to snatch me up. May have caused some emotional issue. My life coach is still trying to determine that.

2. Magnum PI and MacGyver- I had crushes on these two hunk of men. Tom Selleck as Thomas Magnum, what a mustache, red sport scar, the Hawaiian t-shirts! I actually just really liked his voice for some reason. I will have to tell my husband to "talk Selleck" to me. I was also intrigued with the weird rich guy who owned the estate. The millionaire author Robin Masters. He just played with his Doberman Pinschers all day. My great Uncle in the 80's was a paparazzi, and when he would come visit he would bring a briefcase full of pictures he took of celebrities. I remember finding one he had of Tom Selleck, and he let me have it. I carried it around for a long time. I think I still have it! Ok, stop laughing now, and start drooling:
MacGyver- So resourceful and sexy at the same time! Always cool under pressure in life or death situations. Plus since I was/am a science nerd, I liked seeing how he would get all "MacGyverisms" on ya! Getting his spontaneous invention on. Nice dusty-blond-half mullet with his brown leather jacket...
Ohh la la. The smell of leather ! I love it when my hubby gets his MacGyverisms on!
Other 80's favs: Mr. Belvedere,The Cosby Show, Dallas, Family Matters, Family Ties, Full House, Murder She Wrote.

Part 1: Growing up in the 80's

This post is for the First Edition of our Humor Bloggers Carnival from Come see what other bloggers have to say on this topic. Fun Starts the 13th.

I was a child of the 80's and I have no complaints about that era. I have shared this picture with you before:

I wish for Jelly Shoes in every color...

Don't even ask me how much Aqua Net or time I spent on that hair do. I was born in 1978, but my first memories are of the 80's growing up. The 80's were great on so many levels. It was a great time to be a kid. Two reason why they rocked I will talk about in Part 1 of this topic are Music and Movies. Our movies and music rocked. The kind that you could watch/listen with your whole family. Now days I can barley count name movies that I can watch with my kids..let alone the music. Any movies I can think of would have to be a Disney movie these days to warrant your child's eyes, but I must admit even Disney has gone down hill. Don't even get me started on what they have done to the Mickey Mouse Club House!

The Music

Do you dread/fear this conversation? Well it will most likely happen to all of you one day. I am not saying that the 80's had only the best music, but the 80's were the end of long running era of substantially good music. Growing up we had the fun, up beat, dance The Pixes (my all time fav), Duran Duran, A-ha, Bangles, Blondie, Bonnie Tyler, Cory Hart, Pat Benatar, all the big hair band ballads??.....but we also had other great generations of music before us, like Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Johnny Cash, The Who, The Cure. It wasn't all bad after the 80's. There was/are some few good bands now that have came and went: Alice in Chains, Primus, Nirvana..I am sure I left some good ones out, and could go on and on.

Lets just say the quality of music went down while the quantity went up. The point is. I didn't grow up thinking Guns, Bee-oches and Bling were part of the 4 elements of life. Those things don't mean squat to me. I Don't really care how many G's you have in the bank, how may strippers you have on your pole in the basement, how big your rims are, what you be rollin in up at da club. That you have a girl with apple bottom jeans...nope don't really care. I bet you didn't have Atari..the first real video gamer..or Nintendo..Super Mario Brothers! HyperColor Tees, Member Only jackets, Rubik's Cube, Popples. I didn't have street slang..I could talk popple talk though ;)

The Movies

I grew up watching MTV with my dad..and "I want my MTV" coming on. When MTV still played music. Those were the days. Forget joining a gang..I got to become a Goonie..the real OG's. Here I am sporting my gang colors: That is right.."Goonies Never Say Die" I love this shirt of mine. If you were a Goonie, you didn't learn about Guns, Bee-oches, and bling..but adventure, booby-traps, fiances, home repossession, treasure, one-eyed people, and more importantly...friendships. Yep, even our movies were family friendly..The Gremlins, Star Wars, The Never Ending Story, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Mad Max Beyond Thunder Dome, The National Lampoons, Secret of the Nimh, The Last Unicorn..just to name of few of my favs.

How am I confirmed is saying our genertaions moves were some of the best? Because everyone keeps trying to make sequels to them, and they SUCK! Well, I have been talking to Steven Spielberg for years about doing a sequel to the Goonies, and now they are in talks!! WooHoo! We had it so good as a child of the 1980's. We even had great game shows that are still on today..Price is Right, Wheel of Fortune, Family Feud, $100,000 Pyramid, Double Dare...forget Hole in the Wall.

To be continued....