Gin In My Apron Pocket: My First Shot

I belong to this group to the left with a list of other ladies. We try to post once a week about what we are doing to stay happy and focused, or secrets we have found to improve our quality of life. Lotta over at Mom O Matic started this group, and as she would say, "Our grandmothers had gin in their apron pocket and we've got prescriptions and blogging to keep us sane". Have any of you met the mom that shows up at Pre-School with whiskey breath? Well, tell her about our group, she needs to join before she gets a DUI!

Areas for improvement include your sanity, weight loss, self-esteem, cottage cheese thighs, loosing the "cliff", arm wing flaps, wobbly bits, getting back to having only 2 boobs instead of 4, stopping the voices in your head, trying to get back to seeing your feet again, and life in general.

Us women have a lot in common, and we need to stick together. We take a beating everyday with all our responsibilities to everyone. We rarely take time for ourselves without feeling guilty. We can tend to loose our own identity in the process. Our identity becomes keeping our marriage happy and together, raising our children the best we can, keeping our house in order and up to par, putting dinner on the table, being a under-paid taxi service, and making sure homework is done. Many of you women also have full-time jobs to tend to on top of it all.

I have been doing this, posting once a week, but putting the title in my blog label. So I thought I would start putting these posts in the blog title. So here is my first SHOT! Hope I don't get a hangover.

So I go to the gym every morning, and my hubby always went at night after the kids went to bed. He just could never do the 5am thing, especially in the cold winter. So the nights worked for me, but weren't working for him. He would get home and have so much energy that he would stay up to late and be tired in the morning. Soooooooo, then comes the idea to go after work two weeks ago. Does he not understand that after being home with the kids all day...I look forward to 5pm? I know I will get a break and maybe be able to cook dinner in some peace and quiet? Obviously not. By the time he would get home, dinner was done. So after a week of having to do Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner by myself.....I moved into action and implemented plan A.

Being the thoughtful person that I am, I wanted to share this Plan A with my fellow Gin In My Apron Pocket girls. Please notice my image below:Here we have: A tall frosted pilsner glass filled with low carb beer, and my Celtic Relaxation CD. I took this picture last week because the bubbles rising through my glass just made me giddy, and I wanted to share with the girls. And yes, a few drinks are missing in the glass. I couldn't help myself before I took the picture.

So plan A went like the following: I decided if I was going to do dinner by myself, I should at least make it fun.

Step 1: Get music playing apparatus and place in kitchen.
Step 2: Find CD that is relaxing and soothing, and push play.
Step 3: Get glass to hold beverage of choice (in my case a frosted one from the freezer).
Step 4: Fill glass with beverage of choice.
Step 5: Enjoy beverage and music while cooking dinner and serving family.

So after a few days of this, and my husband coming home to his wife drinking the stress away, he became worried. He told me that it would not be good if I started to drink every night. I said I know, my waist line would balloon. I told him that the gym schedule wasn't working for me, and he will force me to drink myself into rehab....and he will have to foot the bill. So he made a compromise and now will only go every other day. Which means I ONLY have to drink three days a week! Who wants to come over for dinner?!?!?!?!

Safety First People

Now, I am all about safety. I was reminded by a few people that I may need to post another warning label. My new blogging friend, Dana said quote, "I kill her, and crack her up". Also I was at a March Madness party last night and my other friend said she found my blog and was, "Dying laughing." I, by no means, want any one's health to be at risk, or panties for that matter. So for liability issues I feel I may need to give the following disclaimer.
I shall not be liable for the following:
1. Soiled panties
2. Ruined office chairs due to #1
3. Anyone who sharts
4. Strokes
5. Heart attacks
6. Spontaneous combustion
7. Lost job due to reading blog at work
8. Choking due to dislodged food from eating while reading
9. Liquid that comes out of your nose from drinking while reading
10. Brain aneurysms
11. ......and finally as previously warned.....night tremors!

So folks, please do me a favor and check with you family physician before continuing to read this blog. Please email your Doctor's note so I can officially clear you.

And if some of you are still wondering and trying to ask your teenager, what a shart is...watch below.

Friday Facts

1. Sotheby's auction house sold a 200-year-old piece of Tibetan cheese for $1,513 in 1993.

2. Don't call me: 66% of Las Vegas phone numbers are unlisted-the most of any U.S. city.

3. The distance between a Boeing 747's wingtips is longer that the Wright Brothers' first flight.

4. Before he was nicknamed "Stonewall," Thomas Jackson was known as "Fool Tom."

5. Most popular sheet-music song of all time: "Yes, We Have No Bananas."
6. Q. Who was the first person to put Frankenstein on film? A. Thomas Edison.

7. Experts say: Human and elephants are the only animals that can stand on their heads.

8. Read all about it: 28% of Americans go to a library at least once a month; 27% never go at all.

9. Per capita, North Carolinians drink more soda than people in any other state.

10. The fox uses its tail to balance when it runs.

Imagine if I was Derranged

Thursday nights at my house are stressful. Both my DVR's are working overtime. Their are only 3 shows that I like to watch as they air. The Office, LOST, and Survivor. My luck they all happen to be all on the same night. So I have to decide which one I want to watch. They are all my babies, and you all know you are not supposed to love one more than the other, but all equally. I mean, it is like every Thursday I am faced with every mother's worst fear: If we were in a ship that was sinking, and I could only save one...which one would it be? Well I guess I am a bad mom because it goes like this:
1. LOST (too much valuable information that you have to know ASAP as it airs)
2. The Office (please forgive me Dwight, may god bless your soul)
3. Survivor (R.I.P.)

Actually, we all survive because god answered my prayers and sent me 2 DVR's! So I can record and watch them all....with no commercials. LOST is suspenseful enough to have to wait a week in between episodes! OH THE HORROR!!!

Anyway, Dwight Schrute is my favorite character, AKA Rainn Wilson. You know the whole thing about 6 degrees of separation? Rainn and I are only separated by 3 degrees!! One day I look forward to meeting him. Dwight is a wise prophet that you can learn many things from, things I call Dwightisms. Such as, Don't "F" with a Schrute. That being said I thought I would start dedicating Thursday's to my Dwight. Watch him in action below, and ask yourself "How safe is your Office?" Oh, and if anyone wants to know what I want as a gift, this and that.

The Kids are Light'en Up...Call the Police!!

Feb. 2008. I took the kids to a candy shop to get some sweets. Ok, that was a lie. Let me start over. I went to the candy shop with the kids so mommy could medicate herself with some Carmel popcorn nuggets. They are like Carmel popcorn, but they have the texture of Cheetos and no corn kernels. Anyways, I stumbled upon these:Yep, candy cigarettes. Instead of Lucky Strikes...Lucky Lights. Yeah, lucky if you don't get emphysema or lung caner! I didn't think the FDA allowed these to be peddled to kids anymore. I remember my mom getting me these when I was young. You could puff on them and the powdered sugar made it look like you were smoking. I also remember our neighbors were REALLY strict, and I had these and they about popped a vein. So there daughter and I would go in the backyard, hide, and puff away in seclusion. We thought we were real cool. So of course I had to buy them and peddle them to my kids for kicks. I never turned out to be a smoker?

Just like typical smokers, when the kids woke up from their naps, they needed a quick fix of nicotine, cough, sugar, and wanted a smoke first thing (see the bed hair).

The busted smokers: Cormac smoking it up:Chloe trying her best to look like a smoker:So naturally they are both now on the patch. The 3 week step program to kick the habit. If that doesn't work..we will try Wellbutrin or Chantix. Wish them luck, they say it takes at least 3 tries to kick the nasty habit. I am sure I am to blame and we will be on Dr. Phil in 15 years. Stay tuned!

Slang Word of the Week

OK students, here is the slang word of the week. Remember you read the definition, and post in the comments a sentence in which YOU use the word. You will be "talking street" in no time!
Keep making momma proud!!

Click here for last weeks sentences. Good work.

WORD OF THE WEEK: JankyMy sentence: I was so Jankety when I scanned this Slag Card that it is all Janked up and crooked. Sorry, these kids got me all jankey. O'well, I am sure it is beer:30 somewhere, oh wait it is here at my house:)

I used all three versions!! Take that Andrea, who is all Jankey now!!!!

Jamie's Episode 6: More Exciting Times with Dr.Auntie

This past Thursday, I got the pleasure of having my Aunt come over to assess my ailing body before she left town for 8 days. Lets just say I got the sick pleasure of having my left boob almost twisted off like a bottle cap. WHAT!? Oh yeah, let me explain.

So another issue that I have thought that has been causing me pain, is when I weened Miss C about 9 months ago. When I did this I felt a milk duct clot. I thought it would go away and re-absorb into my body, right? Well my life went on and I forgot about it. When I had shingles I wondered if that milk duct was causing me pain too. So one of the first things my aunt asked me when I described my pain was if I had ever had a clogged duct. Well yes, as a matter of fact I did. So she went to work on the left sister at one of my appointments. I guess you have to do the "twisting your boob off" move several times till you work it out. Well I didn't stick with it, and I should have told hubby. I am sure he would of loved that type of homework. I never did tell, because I figured he would never leave me alone.

So when she was over checking on this bag of bones I have now acquired, she could feel a lump still. So she said it was time again for the "twisting your boob off" move. I asked her if I should remove my "over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder" and she said no. But I insisted, I wanted to do this right. Meanwhile my husband was at work. So right in the middle of this maneuver, hubby comes home and finds us in the room. Sad things is he had no reaction to Dr. Auntie trying to twist my boob off. Acted like we where just in there knitting or something. My family is always up to something crazy. I guess he is now used to it.

On a better note: My Aunt came over the other night for dinner. She comes by a few times a week to play with the kiddos and visit. I didn't realize, or notice until then...that every time she comes over....Cormac suddenly comes down with a case of "I don't know what the heck I got, but I sure I have something" illness. We will be playing, and he always had to go tell Auntie that he needs looked at because he had suddenly become a hypochondriac when she is around. When he did this just this last visit, she told me that she forgot to tell me a story about the last time she watched them for a weekend. She said as her and the kiddos were waving goodbye to us through the window as we left on a trip in January. I guess the minute we were out of sight Cormac pointed too his knee and wanted checked out. He is begging for her to write him a script for something. Awwwwweeee, what proud parents we are of a future pill-popper!

Our Easter 2008

A three day series of events. Day 1, Friday March 21st. 2008. The making of the eggs with help from Mom, Dad, and Grandpa L. Raise your eggs!!!!Day 2, Saturday March 22nd. 2008. The kids woke up to discover the Easter Bunny had brought them baskets of goodies. Chloe grabbed the candy as fast as she could, and put it straight to her mouth wrappers and all. Cormac sat in ahhhhh.Cormac was excited that the Easter Bunny brought him Thomas trains, new cars, and loads of candy.Chloe just sat and ate her cookies while brother played with his new trains.We took the kids to their first public egg hunt. It was a nice hunt since they roped off sections for all the different age groups. So Dad took Miss C to her section, and a friend and I took our older children to our section. Here is Momma and Mac-ster before the feeding frenzy:During the hunt when I fed him to the wolves:The catch, he survived! Day 3, Sunday 23rd. 2008. EASTER SUNDAY!
Dressed in our Sunday's best for Easter Service: After a wonderful and meaningful service, we had a big family lunch and egg hunt planned. Both sides of our families got together. While the boys hid the eggs, and the women where in the kitchen, Miss C decided to play a classical piece on the piano:The egg hunt for the cousins:
We then had a wonderful lunch with lots of great food. We all stuffed ourselves, and had great conversation. I ate to much Jello Pretzel salad and ham, the kids all ate to much candy. We let them, because heh...it's Easter! The kids all enjoyed re-hiding and re-finding eggs for hours of entertainment, while the adults wished for naps. Hope everyone had a great holiday with all their families. I know I am blessed to have such a great family on both sides, and we can all come together and get along!!

Happy Easter!

Friday Facts

1. In New Orleans, the soil is too wet for regular burials-so the dead are buried above ground.

2. Look out below: An average of 14 people jump off the Golden Gate Bridge every year.

3. Beer wasn't sold in cans until 1935.

4. If you keep your goldfish in a dark room, they'll turn white. (Do Not Try ANGE!!)

5. King Louis XIX ruled France for about 15 minutes.

6. Bathroom news: Franklin Roosevelt thought up the name "United Nations" in the shower.

7. Breakfast treat: In Colonial America, kids ate popcorn with cream and sugar for breakfast.

8. The word "checkmate" comes from the Persian word shah mat, which means "the king is dead.

9. Camel's hair brushes are made with squirrel hair. They got their name from the inventor, whose last name was Keml.

10. The write stuff: Famous storyteller Hans Christian Anderson couldn't spell.

Just a Prediction...

I have guessed that this will be the next image to flash on my screen in my game of life.
Here is a link to buy the Oregon Trail. You know you wanna re-live the good ol' days.

Random Thoughts from my Head......

Happy St. Patrick's Day !

I am pretty burnt out from playing catch up, and don't have a whole lot to say today. Except this thought that I get about the same time every year: Do you ever notice that when the weather starts to warm up, all the weirdos come out of the woodwork? It is like all the freaks have been in the witness protection program all winter, and then like you are cooking with Emeril....BAM....out they come. They are walking the streets everywhere. Some I don't believe were able to have access to a shower all winter either. No offense to anyone, especially if you are the one, or your relatives, with bed-head out wandering the streets. You know what I am talking about?

Smurfs - Episode 238 - crying smurfs

To make life easier, my husband has now taken ill with this bad bug. IT is the flu and a nasty chest cold combined. Fever, body aches and all! My house is a mess, and I have no energy to care at this moment. Chloe and I have been living off the Boomerang channel and the Smurfs to pass the days.

After all the aliments that have inflicted themselves on me, and having a sick child and hubby....I feel like Weepy Smurf. I thought this episode was truly fitting, when Weepy Smurfs is crying and says, "But if it is not one thing it is another." That about sums things up right now. So I hope you all enjoy a trip down memory lane.

Spent all week getting caught, facing indictment, and resigning Eliot Spitzer? Here is what you missed....

Well after my daughter's trip with daddy's, she came home with a cough and ended up with a fever. So from Monday on I have spent all week tending to her needs. It has been nice having a cuddle bug to cuddle. As luck would have it I then of course came down with the bug by mid-week. Having a chest cold to irritate my already inflamed chest and cartilage has been quite the picnic. I told my husband to just put me out of my misery like a horse with a broken leg. All in all it has been a interesting week. Not feeling to perky at the moment. Here is our week in numbers:

256- Number of Kleenex we have gone through (at least).
1- Cavities filled (I was the lucky subject, part of the Year of Jamie project).
2- Bowls of Creamy Chicken Noodle Soup that has been brought to me.
2- Number of people that have came over to pray for me.
6- Baths take to ease body aches
3- Rolls of TP gone through.
7- Protein shakes consumed.
0- Days spent at the gym.
4- Dinners I have got out of having to cook.
2- Gallons of water the humidifier has gone through.

3- Number of days gone without leaving the house.

9- Times I have intercomed my hubby to get me something, driving him crazy.

4- Times I have taken my daughter's temperature.
I could go on and on, but don't have the energy.............................

Slang Word of the Week

OK students, here is the slang word of the week. Remember you read the definition, and post in the comments a sentence in which YOU use the word. You will be "talking street" in no time!
Keep making momma proud!!

Click here for last weeks sentences. Good work.

WORD OF THE WEEK: HotMy sentence: Even when I am sick and praying to the porcelain god and having the Hersey squirts, I still manage to look so mad hot. When my hubby takes the thermometer to take my temperature....it is off the charts!!!

Friday Facts

1. New Hampshire allows boys to be married at 14 and girls at 13- without parental permission.

2. The Great Salt Lake is only 13 feet deep.

3. That's progress: Jimmy Carter was the first president born in a hospital.

4. Gail Borden, inventor of condensed milk, also coined the phrase "Remember the Alamo!"

5. Alaska is bigger than Texas and California combined.

6. There are no photographs of Abe Lincoln smiling.

7. One bucket of water can make enough fog to cover 105 square miles in 50 feet of fog.

8. America's favorite colors: #1 is blue. Then red, green, white, pink, purple, and orange.

9. Pigs killed of the dodo bird.

10. Americans make more than 350 billion calls a year.

Cor-Mac Daddy's Got Skillz to Pay Da Billz

This is the scene in our house yesterday morning. I was getting Cormac dressed for Kindermusik, and told him I got him a new shirt. He asked what was on it, and I told him ear protection headphones and that it says "Rock Out". I told him headphones like the ones he wears when he plays his drums. Then this song came on, and he decided to bring out his alter ego and let Cor-Mac Daddy put the smack down, and he wanted to rock out hip hop style:

Cor-Mac Daddy wanted to give a shout out to his peeps in KMusik, and to all his grandparents. Then he decided he wanted to "lay it down" wearing his construction hat:

Here he is with his ear protection:

I originally wanted a pair for Cormac, so that he cold go to band practice with dad or go watch a show. Every once in awhile they would play a show where you didn't need to be 21 or older. Cormac wanted to watch dad play a show real bad. Also he would play his drums sooo loud, I wanted to protect his ears. SO I searched high and low for toddler size headphones. Couldn't find any. Then I saw a picture of Gweneth Paltrow with ther daughter Apple at one of Coldplay's show's, and found what the brand was. I found where to get them , in England. If anyone wants a pair, let me know. I can maybe find the website where I ordered them.

You can never be to safe with their ears. They have found a high % of children's toys are actually to loud and damage their ears. Just like all those really annoying Easter Chicks that will be soon coming your way! If we get a loud annoying toy, when the batteries go dead, we tell then it is broke.

They also come in handy for lots of other things: When I get crazy and want to cuss up a storm, I can say, "Cormac...earmuffs." And babble on like a drunken sailor. Or, when I want to turn up my tunes in the car, " Cormac....Earmuffs!" Here are some other pictures of Cormac rocking out back in December 2007.

With his guitar:

On his drums:

On daddy's drums:

Coming Soon to a Town Near Chloe

I am sooo excited that I just peed in my depends! I made a special request to Lovely Lotta over at Mom O Matic's Automat in her Etsy shop. I love buying on Etsy, supporting and shopping American and homemade. It also helps support many SAHMoms with a little income for their Meds and liquor stashes.

So any who, I asked if she could whip up a Gin 'n' Tonic and a toddler bracelet. It is very hard to find jewelry for a toddler. I have been searching everywhere for a unique, ribbon and lace free bling, bling bracelet for Miss C. All to no avail, then I turned to Lotta for a much needed drink, and breath of fresh air! I love anything Vintage and retro. I told her my clients personal style, measurements, and taste. Here is what she came up with:

So I told her to stay on her meds and the sauce, and whip me up more!! Then I had to of course pick up some hair accessories:
Thanks Lotta...you rock. Can't wait to see what you make next for Miss C., let Chloe's jewelry box and my shot glass fill-ith full. Oh, try to stay away from huffing too much glue! Ohh, all you other mommies....I got first dibs...sucka's!!!

Hungry as a Hostage

February.2008.

I thought I better do a cute post and show a picture of Chloe before my family takes me hostage. When Miss C wakes up, I go get her, and try to cuddle with her as long as she will let me. She always wakes up about 1/2 hour before the Cor-Mac daddy. She never wants to cuddle very long, because she always wants to hang out with daddy as he gets ready for work. Or, she wants to play with brother, so she will knock on his door and try to look under the door. Pretty cute site to be seen. Her down on the floor trying her hardest to peek under the door.

Although recently, with in the last few months, her new thing is to go out to the dinning room and climb up in her chair and wait to be fed. She doesn't make noise, just sits patiently until I realize what she is up too. So one morning I snapped this picture. She LOVES to eat! She treats it like a sport, and she had defiantly made it to the Olympics. She working for the Gold Medal.

Jamie's Episode 5: Sitting in the ER waiting room

Yep, As many of you probably guessed that this is the way "it" would have to end. In true Jamie fashion, I procrastinated my latest "health issue" until it became to much. I got the great pleasure of hanging out at in the ER waiting room for 3 hours!!!! Actually 3 hours at our ER is quite fast. I guess I should say how lucky I am to live in the US and have such GREAT, cough, health care, and be one of the chosen few these days to have health insurance. Blah,blah,blah. I can't tell you how much joy it brings me to have to pay high premiums for my health care every month. I love being bent over and put in that position.

Oh sorry, I was on a rant. Back to my story, now where was I? Yes..so I was having a wonderful evening with the in-laws. We brought over some New York steaks and had a great meal. Then I went hot tubbing....oops...I mean chunky dunking. As I soaked my 29 year old bones, I realized how hard it had become to breath in the last few days. It wasn't getting better, but worse. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest and I couldn't get a good breath. Knowing that if you get a chest injury, and you stop taking deep breaths..you will get pneumonia. So, I thought oh great on to the next drama. So I called my sis, who is a nurse, and asked her what the symptoms were of pneumonia were. "Do you have this?" YadaYadaYada. "Is this happening?" YadaYadaYada. "Are you coughing up this?" YadaYadaYada. Good no pneumonia! I had been a good girl, and purposely have been taking deep breaths to prevent this very thing. She did not like the fact that I was having trouble breathing. I needed a chest x-ray. Here were my options:

1. Actually call around Monday to get a family doctor, (click here for as to why), and find one that was taking patients. Then hope they can get me a appointment ASAP.
2. Go to the walk in clinic first thing in the morning to go see ol' "Crazy eye", and hope he will order me a x-ray..not knowing my history. (Those of you living in this town know what I am talking about.)
3. Go and throw away 3-4 hours of my life by going to the ER and ask for Minor Care. Trust me, I will have to blog about those other trip some other time.

I decided I didn't want to roll the dice with #1 and #2, I choose what was behind door #3!! I just figured I would take a gamble and hope that there was going to be no major car accidents, deadly domestic disputes, Viagra induced heart attacks, or any house fires that evening. I really just wanted to get it over with. My sis told me: I need to go here, and ask for this, and tell them that. So I just asked her to tag along on what would be the best three hours of her life, I promised. I checked outside to make sure there wasn't a full moon, nope, good to go......off I went.

When we got there, we checked in with the "I hate everyone and my job" and the "Yeah, right you are hurt, You just want pain pills" or:We were then told (In the best raspy smoker's voice) to go and sit to begin our 3 hour wait. They then yelled....NEXT! We went and Lysol'ed our seats and sat down. We made the best of it though, we sat and chatted and laughed. After 1 hour, I got called into a triage nurse, then off to the admit to give them my insurance info so they could try their best to try and charge me $100 for a Kleenex. Then, you guessed it, back to the waiting room. Then after another hour,we became the lucky ones to get a VIP pass back to minor care!!! When she called my name I did the "I just won a Oscar award look" Me?, oh, me?, you really called MY name?,wow I must have really great health insurance? It is kinda funny to watch every time the girl would open the door, and would gets ready to call out a name, everyone looks like a poor lost puppy at the pound, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

I then got to tell my story for the 3rd and fourth time. After a quick "cop a feel" I was told I would be going to get a chest x-ray, and told to disrobe. The nice young girl put me in a wheel chair and paraded my naked, fine butt through the hospital till we got the desired department. I did my best "parade-pageant wave" as I made my way there.

After I was done, the x-ray guy had me sit back down in my wheel chair. OK, the words "my wheel chair" should never be used in a sentence again, that is scary. He then said, "Now don't go anywhere." Now where was I gonna go? I told him not to worry, I would not be much of a flight risk in this outfit. He got a chuckle, and I thought, doesn't this man know if I ran out of here my tata's would surely give me two black eyes? Back to minor care in my float for my parade wave, and x-ray results.

Good news: No fracture or break!! I have just manage to tear the cartilage that attaches from my ribs to my sternum, and on the back of my ribs. Inflamed cartilage can give you the "someone sitting on my chest" feeling. So I got A inhaler and a anti-inflammatory. I have been feeling a lot better and will be back to the gym soon!! So in a nutshell this is how I spent 3 hours at the ER:

It goes something like this: Sign in to the Waiting room to the Triage nurse to the insurance check in to the waiting room to the minor care examine room to the nurse to the PA to the X-ray room back to the examine room to the PA for results to the LPN for meds. Any Questions? There will be a test on this tomorrow.

The Follow up to:

A 5T...What the? I decided to have a mother-daughter day of shopping and spending daddy's money. A day of mentoring her in the important things to know in life as a women, such as the message to the left. Also, to never send a man to do a mother's job as my MIL would say. Hence the reason for this shopping trip. We left town to go to the nearest Old Navy to return the 5T swimsuit my hubby bought for our 1.4/12th's daughter. I guess he was shopping ahead, for when she was 5 years old! What a visionary I tell ya. He should be on the cities planning and zoning board with his type of insight.

Actually it was a good excuse to go shopping! I also had to address the credit card he accidentally signed up for during his last visit, since I still have not received it in the mail to PIF and CANCEL. So I had the sales lady credit the card with the return item. I then asked her if it was unusual that I hadn't received the car in the mail yet. She informed me that yes that was weird and I should check the address and see if there was a mistake. If there was, and a late charge had been applied, they would wave it. I just needed to call the 1-800 number on receipt. (How did this become my issue to deal with again?)

When I got home I was still running high on my shopping adrenaline, that I forgot about dealing with the card issue. This morning I realized I still needed to call. So of course I get the automated lady telling me to punch in my Credit Card number. I DON'T HAVE a credit card!! That is why I am calling!! Well, the only one I have is just a "Temporary" number on the receipt that has already expired! As I am punching in the expired temporary number I realize that sure enough, the address is wrong on the receipt. Somebody else in another town in Idaho is probably charging it up like it is Black Friday.

So, it obviously tells me the number is invalid and direct me to customer service. The conversation went something like this (insert east Indian accent):

Rep: "Hello ma'am. Could I please have the name on the account, ma'am?"

Me (thinking, great some more outsourcing, this should be fun): "Yes, Bleep..Bleep."

Rep: "Yes ma'am, Is there another name on the account ma'am?"

Me: "No, this in my husband's drama."

Rep: "I am sorry ma'am, but I can not handle this account with you, ma'am."

Me: "@#$$%^&&*^%&^&(*....figures, thanks for all your help. I will be sure to send you some lentils!"

You have not heard the last from J to the M to the E!!

I just asked hubby to get a swimsuit?

Mommy's Empty Nest

Sooooo, this weekend we had a trip planned down to B-town (Boise). During the middle of the week I got a "Get out of Jail Free" card due to my injuries. I told my hubby I wouldn't be going, and I needed to stay home, cough, ouch and try to recover, cough, ouch. I assumed my hubby wouldn't be up for taking the kids without me. To my surprise he said he would!! So by default, I got to enjoy a mommy-free, almost two day weekend. Well actually, 36 hours and 7 minutes, but who was counting.

I was so amazed at this news I didn't know what to do with myself, so I ran around in circles until I became dizzy and fell down. I mean, the only circumstance that would ever lead to my husband leaving town with the the kids, while I stayed home is: Broken ribs. At this point I will do what is takes for a much needed break from tending to everyone's needs!! Ladies if you need a break (no pun intended), just ask yourself, "Where is the sleghammer?"

Hubby asked me if their was anything I wanted him to pick up at the mall while he was down there? Sure I say, you can look for a cute Easter dress for......stop. No, never mind, please refer to this blog. So I packed them up, and shipped them all out the door, and yelled, "Don't Call me I'll call You."

I envisioned myself laying around relaxing sleeping in, staying up late, taking naps. Watching all my backlogged DVR'd shows, while laying naked in a pile of chocolate wrappers. I thought I was going to go on a scrappbooking/TV/chocolate/junkfood/beer/Pepsi/naptime/icecream binger. At least these were my plans.

First order of business: I scheduled a massage, done.
Second order of business: try to go back to sleep it was 7am! Of course I couldn't, Arrrgghhh. So now time for:
Third order of business: go and edit and send 300+ pictures to Costco to prep for my scrappbooking marathon. Fought with that for a couple of hours!!! Just breath deep Jamie, and relax.

Then I decided it would be a perfect time to actually steam clean my rugs and carpet since everyone was gone, and Lord Louie (my English Bulldog) decided to go outside and eat grass and come in my house and vomit and have explosive diarrhea (another serenity now moment) everywhere. Step mom came over and cleaned rugs and carpet for me since she forbid me to injure myself further. (Thanks soooooo much, you rock!)

In reality this is what happened:
1. Didn't sleep in once or take one nap. Figures. My internal clock wouldn't allow it. Tip for next time...get sleeping aides, and drug myself.
2. Didn't scrapbook one thing. So after I packed everything up and hauled it all down to CropPaperScissors, I didn't feel creative. So I filed and organized the 300+ pictures I had.
3. Didn't have any chocolate or junk food. I actually barley ate anything. I lived off of protein meal shakes and Spark. Pretty sad when you are to lazy to even go to the store to get the junk. I finally had a break from cooking meals and feeding kids, that I didn't even have the energy or desire to feed myself. It is the new concentration camp diet. That is how mentally drained I have been.
4. Didn't have one brew. I am a cheap date, and though I could have three Coors and pass out. Nope didn't go to the store (for reason please refer to previous number). No taping the Rockies this time.

I did however get to hang out with great friends, and go have Chinese food, and get a awesome massage. I also missed my family terribly and couldn't wait to see them. I was the one calling them. When the crew arrived home, I realized my children must suffer from Safe Toliet Syndrom (STS). In true style, Save Your Drama for Your Momma! With in the first 30 minutes Cormac decided to "cop a squat" at the diner table. We caught him just after the first Mr. Hankey, and put on the toilet to finish. Hubby got to clean up that mess. Then I put the kids in the tub, and Chloe decided to follow suit and "cop a squat" in the tub. Cormac high-tailed it out of the tub, and Matt got to fish Mrs. Hankey out. I only wish we would have had a fecal fishing net, dang. Sorry, TMI. Back to the daily grind.