Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Cleaning out the refrigerator today....

Yes..you all know what that means. When things keep getting shoved in there, pushed to the back, and before you know it you have discovered a cure for cancer! My posts have been piling up...I have been getting great awards...I have been getting great gifts in the mail, and over the blogland. The Hussy's fridge is FULL! Which is a great problem to have. But I need to unload some of this on the poor neighbor kid down the street. He won't notice it is used leftovers..sloppy seconds will he? Ohh what do I care! It will be good for his immune system. So I am reaching in the fridge to find the stuff that got shoved to the back...and is starting to smell.

First of all, my blog got a Christmas makeover...anyone like? Everyone keeps yelling, HO! HO!, HO! at the Hussy when she is out. People are always sooo festive! Before I start cleaning..I want to say thanks to everyone who takes time out of their medicated lives to read this blog and comment. The Hussy loves you all, and enjoys passing booze and pills to you all! {slap on the tushy}

Ok, where shall I begin? Lets start by thanking "Crotchety Old Man Yells at Cars." He helped my muffin top grown a size in a mere two days!! What a talented funny man he is. Here is how, a few blog weeks back on his blog he had a "Crotchety's Colossal Chocolate Candy Contest." Once I read that he was giving away bags of Dove chocolate..I was in!!! That is one of my favorite chocolate(milk)!!! All you had to do was drop him a comment..a point for each, link him in a post, or make him laugh. So after I wiped the drool off my cheek, I left him this comment:


"First off..I am a fellow HB= 1point.
2. You are on my blog roll=1 point
3. If you don't hand over the chocolates...anyone
with in a mile radius of me is in immediate danger
of a crazy whore-moan-al housewife
who is getting ready for Old Aunt FLOW
to come visit= 10 points."
Need I say more?
He then stated I had won a bag for myself for making him laugh out load..then he hid, for he was scared. So in the mail arrived my orgasmic surprise:
They were the best..and I proudly ate the whole bag to myself in two days. Yep, I am training for the Chocolate Olympics. Don't be jealous that you didn't qualify. My coach always says, "Fat is temporary..quitting if forever" Thanks Crotchety!! {smiles with chocolate on her face}

Next gifts came from the funny Quirkyloon over at "Musings of a Quirkyloon." She was My Secret Santa can Suck it Un-Santa. She gave me such awesome gifts in this Santa post. She really got to know my likes, my needs, and gave..and gave like a good Hussy in Training (HIT.) Quirky is related (6th cousin twice removed times 4) to my lead lobbyist Dwight. She gave me tickets to a gun show, a time-share, a Arsenal Starter Kit. She even gave me weed and so much more..go check it out! Also, thanks to Quirky for giving me a meme, for linking me on her blog. You the the best new blogg buddy! {Blows a kiss with red-glazed eyes}

Ohhh, I have to give a shout out to the lovely Chelle at "The Offended Blogger." For I must mention that she put me "In the Spotlight' AND in the "Hall of Fame" over at "The Humor Bloggers.com at the same time!! Take that Kayne West..you think you are going to be the next great voice of this generation of this decade?? Step aside..the Hussy has her red high heels on..and they pack a nasty spiked punch!!! Jesus walks with ME Kayne! I guess you haven't been a good boy lately. Thanks Chelle..you are the best ev-er! {Squishy front hug and a lick on the cheek}

Before I forget, it seems that after my Secret Santa can Suck It post, everyone wants a "Hug me boyfriend pillow." I never my ex-boyfriend he would be so popular. After I got done with him, he is just half the man he used to be...but what ever you guys want. Sloppy seconds and all..you can get him here:

http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Hug-Me-Pillow/1676854/product.html


Tell him I sent ya! They are only $29.99. I think I will get one for all my single friends. Just think of the smile on their faces when they open that up!!

Also popular was the The Hussy High Heels/doorstopper. You can buy one of those here:

http://www.baronbob.com/footinthedoor-doorstopper.htm

These fierce heels are only $8.95!! Great stocking stuffer...

The panic button was also popular. You can get one here:

http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/office-toys/panic-button/index.html

They are $5.56..another great stocking stuffer. Go get one..we can all panic together. These work the best in the last 24 hours before Christmas..when you are not done shopping yet.

Finally we have a few awards given by the lovely, sweet, and funny Petra over at "The Wise (*Young*) Mommy." She seems to enjoy these Hussy shenanigans, and we love her for it!! I also enjoy her delusional, but real blog. So she bestowed the following testosterone filled, sexual innuendos awards:

Shake it, shake it like a Polaroid picture..shake it! Then this lovely (cough) I think someone has to pee award:Thanks Petra..they will be going in my trophy case with a link to ya!! {Eskimos kisses}

Last, but not least..don't forget to go over to the Humorbloggers.com..blog. I am there posting every Wednesday the "Slang Word of the Week" You may get your blog linked!!

18 comments:

kel said...

You lucky bitch! I need some bloggy friends to send me some booty!!! I'm jealous!

Ange~ said...

All I have to say is that picture of you makes you look like you are on drugs.

Quirkyloon said...

As one of your over-medicated readers (and proud of it...the over medication I mean lol), you are most welcome for the gifts. And don't worry I'll let Dwight know how grateful you are too.

Heck he might even send you a unicorn princess doll! HA!

Jean said...

Hey Hussy I didn't know you were so popular, not really I do know your on everyones list and they all want to read you everyday, I'm so blessed that I get to see you in person, you readers out there she's mine all mine hehehe

Frippery said...

Too much fun, and presents too! I am putting a link to your blog tomorrow in my post about where to go for laughter and a bit of crazyness. Pam

Charmaine said...

Wow. You are a supastar!!!!

Da Old Man said...

Wow, what a post. You covered everything.
I wanted to share my good news. I'm going to have a script program with my new insurance coverage. Wanna swap some Percosets for Vicodin? I'm not sure of the current exchange rate, and figured you would be up on that stuff.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Holy crap! All that chocolate in 2 days? Ugh, I'm getting nauseous just thinking about that. Still I think that kind of speed warrants a gold medal. A chocolate covered and filled gold medal. See Crotchety for your prize. I hear he's got a barrel full hiding out in the garage.

The Hussy Housewife said...

Kel- LOL! I am the unluckiest person EVER!! Just read all of my 300 posts :) NO really I never win anything..I was shocked. I guess it does pay to sleep around.

Ang- You hit ont eh nail..that was the point. How can I run my alter ego if I am sober? I take you you like it :)

Quirky- OMGravy! If he actually gave me that doll..with his autograph..I will show him my twins. NO really my friends in highschool..Rainn Wilson is his cousin. I am working on my meeting with him..

Jean- LOL!! I don't think I am that popular..mayb ejust with you. Love my sunday nights with you :) Wait? Did you just grab my butt?

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

woo-hoo! thanks for the shout-out! and why is my blog delusional I would like to know?

but seriously, you rock and make me laugh so you totally deserve these awards lady!

Frippery said...

Regarding the eggnog comment on my post. I would prefer bourbon. Maybe we could have both, and just skip the eggnog. Pam

The Hussy Housewife said...

Pam- That is very sweet of you. {snort} Wait..who you calling crazy? :)

Charmaine- You wanna makeout?

Da Old Man- Sounds great. I'll give you 2 Zoloft, hit you with 5 xanax, and raise you 3 Percosets for 20 Vicodin? Deal?

NGIP- You are right..I do deserve the gold choclate metal..I trained just as hard a Michael Phelps.

The Hussy Housewife said...

Petra- Can you keep a secret? I only said that to get people to go to your blog! Did it work?

Pam- Sure always repect the Host rules. If you want to straight shot it..I am in!

Jean said...

Hussy its me your sunday night date.
need help/again can you come over I have methadone pills I'll swap for blog help, or I could get oxies from the Jones's I'm sure I could offer them something in exchange (sugar pills)
hehehehe

Kristi O said...

Going to the hubby's secret cupboard I have it all. I win. BUT give me the chocolate now.

BTW nice photo I love that you finally changed your avatar. You are one skinny bitch.

unfortunate names said...

lesson learned: threats = free chocolate

The Hussy Housewife said...

Jean- Deal. Sounds good..I';; be there!

Kristi- No..hand over the pills first..then you get the chocolate. Thanks friend.

U. Names- I am thinking it does. You can try to play nice..but nice may get you no where!

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