Monday, September 29, 2008

Part 2: Operation "That's my bike Bee-Och!"

If you are following behind my bike and have no idea what I am talking about, please read the post below this and step your game up! So I woke up this morning feeling so fresh..fresh, and so clean..clean. Which was good because I had work to do. So let me be clear about my bike. Not only is it MY bike due to the unspoken "That's my spot Bee-Och" rule, but it is in a great location. I call it the Boardwalk/Park Place spot. Right when you walk in the room, it is on your first right..down one bike from Boardwalk. Minus the Luxury tax. My older friend rides on Boardwalk, and since I respect my elders (well not the bike stealer one)...I let that be her spot. I am respectful like that.

Soooo, I bike on Park Place. It has a nice view there, of the instructor and the clock. It is in a nice upper class neighborhood, with a fan just down the street...pointed right at us. I moved to the neighborhood about 4 years ago, and only left Park Place once. I took a brief sabbatical if you will for 8 months. I moved down 7 bikes to the corner "Go to Jail" spot. I got pregnant for the second time and moved to jail for 8 months so I could sit in the corner and have the fan directly behind me. For those of you that don't understand..you get very hot when you are prego, hence needing the fan. Well actually I really was sentenced to jail for 40 weeks, 10 months. But due to good behavior the fact that my belly wouldn't fit on the bike anymore, and that I had to leave class twice to pee, but not pee...I was released earlier. I was released, and only locked up for 8 months. After I was released and got out of jail, I went to rehab for a Doctor prescribed 6 weeks. But then I was back home a Park Places to reclaim my throne.

So needless to say, last week when I had the final straw..the last thread on my tires..I was sitting on Mediteranean Avenue. Paying $2 dollar rent with no view of a clock or fan, a bad part of the neighborhood lets just say. That is when I decided enough was enough, and implemented my plan.

So, this women had to go. I was going to reclaim my bike. I go up earlier, and the kids ready sooner. When I got there..she was no where to be found. Sweet, my Prune juice and Fiber cereal ads worked!! So I was good to go..when she finally arrived she was moved back to her old bike down at "Marvin Gardens"! HA! So class was great, my bike was so happy to see my sweet cheeks. Then at the end of class, during stretching, she looked back at me..and I smiled real nice back at her. But she knew what I was thinking.."See Bee-och, this is my bike and it's game over for you." "Do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars."

Then I leave class and Captain Joesph LeatherFace pulls up to pick me up from class, and this is what I see: ME: Umm, CJLF..what are you doing with that face mask?
CJLF: Aye..Avast..we gotta go!
ME: Why..what did you do now? Have you been drinking Rum already this morning? You know you can't drive loaded!
CJLF: No, no, I am not loaded, I just placed a black spot on that lassy-landlubber who had been steal'in ye bike!
ME: What did you do? And why wear a pirate mask as a disguise you survey DOG! You are a PIRATE!
CJLF: YO, YO, ME hearty. That mask doesn't look nothing like ye lad. Don't be sweating all over me boots, and no landlubbers saw! I made sure of that. That wench won't be tak'in yer bike now.
ME: Oh...I knew I shouldn't have let you of the ship this morning..(I then look at the front of the suburban)
ME: What did you do!!. Ohh, She-ot..go..go!

Well now she is at the hospital under the care of my sister, singing "Rain Drops Keep Falling on my Head" "Stars Keep Circling Around my Head" I will make sure my sis reminds her of the unspoken rule "That's my spot Bee-Och" and that's how she ended up there. Don't mess with me.

Yeah, cops.....I may be crazy, but I just may be the lunatic your looking for. See on the news!

77 comments:

LadyShuttleMaker aka MadMadPotter said...

I'm changing my vote to this one!

Scrapping Mommy said...

You are crazy....How long did you spend thinking of all these details? :)

Jamie said...

HAHA Ladies, The sad thing is I don't spend any timethinking of this stuff..for rather I leave lots out..I don;t have time..I am telling you I have over 20 post in draft!! HELP HELP STOP THE VOICES!!
No really, will someone help me?

HappyHourSue said...

Ha! a pirate disguised as a pirate..brilliant!

Everyone needs a small, inanimate mascot-man to have their back in this crazy world.

AngieSS said...

LMAO. God I love how sick you are!

p.s. Hope she doesn't try the old "I'm gonna come even earlier" trick. I'd hate to see what the pirate would do to her then!

Kristi said...

Don't stop them, the voices in your head are oh so freakin' hilarious! (and though it may appear otherwise, they ARE keeping you sane) Can't wait to read the next installment.

Jamie said...

happysue- I agree, everyone needs one..it gives you someone to blame all your problems on and to do your dirty work:)

Angie-If I am Sick that means you are to by default..don't worry I have a couch you can sit on to sort your problems out! Oh she better not try that..I am CRAZY!

Kristi- YOu think Kirist, don't stop them? Ok, I will on your orders:))

TheFLy said...

You do what you gotta do. Its always nice to know a pirates got your back. That bitch wont be messin' with you no more. Lets just hope she doesnt recover quickly and decide to take you out, haha.

Anyway, check out my blog. I gave you a little something.

buzz buzz

wblmom said...

Lmao, okay you were right I got half way down this post and was like What The...
So I went to the previous and got up to speed, I think. lol
You are crazy and entertaining and it's great!!

Jamie said...

Fly- thanks for the award..that was nice...I will be posting about it soon. NOW when a certain someone make up my jamie wards..I may have to throw one your way!

wblmom- Crazy ain't the half of it.

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