Officially a Bunco Retiree

A few weeks ago we 16 ladies had our last Bunco of the semester. WTFiddlesticks, semester you say? Well let me explain how this highly sophisticated, stealth (like this post will automatically self destruct after you read this or I may now have to kill you because you now know) group works. We used to play all 12 months of the year, and 4 girls would have to team up with other ladies to host. However, we cut it down to 8 months, two people to host a month, due to the busyness of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the two hectic months in the middle of the summer. You know, when we are all our vacations wondering why in the hell did we spend all this money to drag our kids around missing naps, reading road maps, logging in flight hours with kids in tow fighting over stale peanuts while trying to plan a itinerary, so we can try to give our children a better stamp filled passport than we ever had? Yeah exactly...time to start making reservations.

The estrogen bunco run ended this May. That being said, it was time to resign the estrogen-chocolate lease. I decided put down my dice and retire. No more third Monday get-to-gethers while eating good food and having childrearingsexfoodweightbreastfeedinghusbandspregnancy type conversations. As I have mentioned before, this being graduation season, I am available for commencement speeches. Since no one called to take me up on my offer, I shall just have to make a bunco commencement/parting speech. I will make it short, as no one likes a loony up at the podium rambling on about only John Lock knows what.

(I slowly sash-shay up to the podium for my parting speech)

Ladies, Ladies. As we all know, all goods things must come to a end. As may of you know, I will not be joining you for the 2008-09 Bunco semester. I will miss all you wonderful ladies very much. I will discuss the reasons as for this painful break up, but first I would like to thank all you wonderful ladies for all the good times. First I would like to thank Andrea for faithfully standing by my side when I did not purchase enough chocolate for one of our hosting events. Your loyalty in being willing to fight off the fire breathing ladies for me meant a lot. Although you need forget to turn on the oven for our lasagna, and I caught it 20 minutes before our dinner....so we may be even? Dawn for being brave enough to host with me in April even after learning about "the chocolate incident." You are a great spirit. Tiffany for nicely making homemade chicken pot pie and rolls during the time of my life when I was doing the weight loss challenge and could not eat because I was on a cleanse. I appreciate having to smell and look at the carb heaven. I think I may have gotten a orgasm through osmosis of the smell. Sharleen for showing us what a real landscaped yard should look like, and always having a smile on her face. Could you please share what drugs you are taking? Thanks.

Echo for letting me win a massage with Dean, and showing us women that we may not get a bid toward the presidency, but we sure can juggles 50 things in the air at once. Joy for always being so joyful. Beth for making me realize if I get drunk and let my guard down, I could handle having three children. Cheri for making me realize I can't get drunk and have three children, because I don't want to be pregnant again. Theresa (our GILFlirt with) for letting all us ladies know there is hope for our post-baby bodies. Melissa for letting me know that there is someone else out there that can talk as fast as me. Lori for actually paying attention to the game, and keeping score. Must be the teacher in you. Much love to all the others who came and went.... The reason for my parting ways is due to the unspoken Bunco rule #657: At least two women shall remain pregnant at all times.

You see, during my years in this Bunco group there has always been two women pregnant the whole time. When one unsuspecting victim would give birth..BAM! Another prego-bunco would pop up like Instant Messenger. I have been one of those prego-bunco's and feel I have served my time down at Family Beginnings. I may not be the sharpest Crayola in the box, but I have done my math: Andrea..Tiffiny..Joy..Andrea..me..Beth..Lori..Joy..Echo..Cheri..etc. Andrea and Echo REALLY payed their dues, and now it is my turn, I am up. I do not at this time feel I am up to the task of Baby number 3. I feel it is my rightly duty to then resign. I am sure you can fill my seat. Remember girls, when it is Bunco time..you better know where your dice are! See you at the Labor and Delivery Room!

Love, J to the M to the E AKA BUNCO QUEEN

PS. I am on your sub list...so you can call me for a filler. Just let me kow ahead of time so I can double up on my birth control pills..thanks. I also know all your level of respect for me, and I am sure at the next Bunco you will start by dedicating AND playing this song for me. The lyrics truly let me know how you feel about me. Thanks.

Update: I forgot to mention I am of course up to more shenanigans again. I will not be missing out on a monthly girl night. I am in the process of starting a new "idea" to replace Bunco. Stay Tuned.