Apparently my dog and hubby are trying to give me a heart attack this week. As if I don't have enough reason's for stress-induced aging. This week started out with my Hubby gone on business. No problem, the kids were great and I got a break from them each night due to social functions...whew, passed first obstacle. Although, I did apparently almost kill poor Lord Louie by way of food poisoning. Why do I always set myself up for these Jamie episodes? I am to blame for this one.
So I never give him human food because he is a bulldog, and if you have been reading the Lord Louie Chronicles....you know as to why. I did have a slight moment of weakness to his sad eyes that said.."mommy, mommy, I want some human food." I felt the guilt of him having to live off a diet of processed dead horse, so I caved. Plus dad was gone, time to break the rules. I gave him a HUGE helping of Chicken Alfredo that was in the fridge. He ate that up so fast like Pac-Man on level 6. I just though he would get bloated and have some gas. He did of course, but that was just the appetizer...time for the main course. By Tuesday he was not looking so hot, and proceeded to have the squirts. I cleaned up 4 different "sessions". I then had it, and kicked him out in the rain to his doghouse.
I checked on him a few minutes later and he was out there laying in the rain like he was gonna be pushing up daisies. He NEVER hangs out in the rain. I thought...Oh my, I've killed him. He was fine, but I called the pet detective friend of mine. She prescribed giving him Pepto-Bismol to settle his tummy. Then she knew I was stressed and did a drive by of Pepsi!! Thanks Kristi, you are the best friend and drug dealer ever. Now he has a cold from being out in the rain, and I am having to wipe boogers of his nose every hour. Go figure. Ok, Obstacle 2 solved on the the next.
On to the hubby part. He has been wanting a Harley for a while, but due to my car accident anxiety, as previously stated, I have said no because they are to dangerous. He has been working me like bread dough for the last few years. So a few months ago, I caved and said yes. Thus began the grueling sage of me having to be dragged to every Harley Shop around, look at every listing, and printed out picture, and endure hours and hours of conversation attributed to this. He was like a excited little boy at Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. It was kind cute I must admit....the mean old wife finally giving in. The one he wanted is sold out for the year already, so he had to look elsewhere. Lucky for me, cough, he found one in Washington. He stopped by to have a look on his way home from business on Tuesday. By Wednesday, we were the proud owners! However, thus began the "here is your sign" occurrences that to me re-enforced my previous thought of...THEY ARE TO DANGEROUS!
Like, Oh for instance how last week on his way to work, two geese flew out in front of his truck, hit his grill, and broke it. When he called to tell me, being the normal wife that I am, the first words out of my mouth are, "See, now what would have happened if you were on a motorcycle? Hmm, Hmm?" By which he try to sugar coat it. Then when he called to tell me he bought it on Wednesday, I then proceed to drive by a motorcycle accident. It was very tragic. I knew the man and he died of his head injuries. I pray for the children he left behind. So sad. Then, later that night I am hanging out with friends, by which they inform me of how one of our other friends son's actually died in a motorcycle accident. This is not looking good for Jamie's nerves I tell you. Jamie=3, Matt=0.
So he is going to pick it up tomorrow....it is a done deal. However, in attempts to ease my mind, he is enrolled in a three-day weekend motorcycle training course. He will be wearing a helmet at ALL times. Never consume any alcoholic beverages and ride. We pinky sweared..so I know it is legit ;) I also made him promise that he will never start wearing leather and chaps with fringe, or bandannas with skulls on them, or start getting tattoo's of hearts with mom through them. If he does the deal is off!!!
What kind of story would this be without Jamie being up to her own shenanigans? So of course I have my own tricks up my sleeve. I am getting my own bike too. Hopefully this weekend also. Just you all wait and see what I will be rolling....pictures will be coming soon!
Jewish Mothers On The Road
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